Friday 28 November 2014

Dear Rosanna Is it weird that he loves my lingerie?

Rosanna Davison

Published 07/11/2013 | 16:00

Rosanna Davison

IS it possible for a boyfriend to like women’s underwear too much?

If I asked mine what he would like to do on a Saturday afternoon, he would probably answer, “Let’s go shopping for new underwear for you”.

He’s forever surprising me with gifts of lovely lingerie sets, even when it’s his birthday. He marks every occasion with sexy bras and panties, whether it’s April Fool’s Day or Halloween.

My friends say to be grateful, but I would love if he surprised me with a new phone or hairdryer or even a cushion for the sofa (yep, I’m that desperate for a change).

The other thing is, he likes me to walk around the apartment modelling the underwear and sometimes I feel like he’s more interested in what I’m wearing than he is in me.

A: IT doesn't sound like he has an especially worrying or strange fetish, but he certainly does love to shower you with lingerie.

Perhaps at some stage in the past you told him you would like more sexy undergarments from him? He clearly appreciates how good you look in your smalls and he's obviously confident in his taste. But I do understand how repetitive it must be becoming for you to know exactly what to expect as a gift. You must also be running out of storage space for it all!

My advice is to tell him how much you love his choice in underwear, but that it would be really nice to break up the routine and shop for something else and to look forward to a different type of gift in future that is more practical.

You can gently explain this to him without causing embarrassment or offence. You could suggest you go shopping for bits and pieces for him. It also may be useful to drop hints as Christmas approaches about what would be your ideal present so that you're absolutely certain that he won't opt for a visit to the lingerie department again.

 

 

Q: I MOVED in with my boyfriend two months ago and already I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve made a mistake. He makes more money than me and we’re old-fashioned in that he pays for most things when we’re out for dinner, in bars or away on holiday. He pays the lion’s share of the rent and bills too. But I hadn’t expected he would think his word should be final because he foots all this.

Whether it’s what’s for dinner or what movie we’re going to see or whose parents we drop in to on a Sunday, he always expects to get his way. Living with him feels like one long horrible negotiation to get what I want once in a while.

A: IT’S great to hear that you made that important next step in your relationship and it's perfectly normal to experience some teething problems. You're lucky you're with a generous man, but I do appreciate how frustrated you must feel when he presumes he deserves the final say because he's paying for it.

Relationships work best when compromise and understanding are valued by both people. My advice is to speak to him and explain exactly how you're feeling. Make sure he knows how much you appreciate his generosity, but say you would be even happier if you had a chance to discuss things together, particularly decisions that impact you both equally.

Work together as a team to learn about what suits each of you and makes you both happiest.

It really is worth giving this opportunity to live together every chance it has to work out.

 

 

Q: I FANCY my best friend’s boyfriend and I know he feels the same about me too.

He is always talking to me for way longer than a regular male friend would and he puts his arm around my shoulders and gives me a squeeze. I feel embarrassed about this, but I also feel disappointed if we don’t share our little moments.

He always seeks me out when we’re in a group too. Once or twice I thought he was going to kiss me but he didn’t. We’re all 18 and I do feel quite bad for my friend, but it’s only fair that I get to spend time with a guy who fancies me, right? Besides, she told me she fancies someone else. Should I just kiss him the next time he gets close?

 

 

A: YOUR rationality may be warped by your feelings for this guy and you're playing a dangerous game by seriously considering kissing your best friend's boyfriend.

While your friend's relationship may not be that serious, considering that she's admitted to fancying another guy, it doesn’t mean you can steal her man.

You will risk losing your best friend and probably cause huge rifts amongst your group of pals because people naturally take sides in these things. Plus, you will gain a reputation as a boyfriend stealer, which will not make your life very pleasant.

So to avoid all this hurt, heartache and arguments, I strongly advise you to end the flirting with this fella. It is simply not appropriate or wise to pursue this any further and it's also important for him to take the hint that you don’t want to see him.

Your friend needs to focus more on her relationship and the direction it's going in. And you would benefit from finding a new love interest to concentrate on.

Rosanna

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