Style Sex & Relationships

Wednesday 1 October 2014

Dear Rosanna: Do I come clean about cheating?

Published 13/09/2013 | 15:01

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Q: I cheated on my boyfriend when he was away on business and now I'm torn between telling him the truth or just pretending it never happened.

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He's my best friend and we always do everything together and I think we both take it for granted that one day we'll get married. Yet he rarely takes control, and I make all the big decisions in our lives. Although he instigates sex, he's not very passionate or energetic, and is very predictable. I just couldn't resist a man coming onto me like he was demented with lust.

Would I be terrible if I just kept quiet about having great sex with a stranger?

Rosanna says:

 I'm really sorry to hear that you have ended up in such a predicament, and grappling with your conscience is never a pleasant experience.

There is no point in dwelling on what you did and how you could have prevented the whole unfortunate situation from happening in the first place. What's done is done. This decision is ultimately yours to make and you will have to think very carefully about how you will deal with it.

While I would always encourage absolute honesty in relationships, in this case you made a big mistake which wasn't premeditated and possibly had alcohol involved. So my advice, if you don't want to risk losing your boyfriend and best friend, is to keep quiet and move on from this. Put it in the past and make a promise to yourself that it will never even come close to happening again.

To make mistakes is human, but your boyfriend will find it very difficult to forgive and learn to trust you again. So you will have to ensure that you're never in the same situation again, because if you did let that happen, you would have to come clean.

I would also advise you to focus on your love life together and aim to spice things up in the bedroom as that's a key ingredient which seems to be lacking right now.

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