Sunday 4 December 2016

Dear Patricia: My husband sulks if I stop him snoring in front of the TV

Patricia Redlich

Published 22/05/2011 | 05:00

LIKE the woman who wrote to you recently, I too have a husband who sulks, often for days at a time.

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I'm 61 and we've been married over 30 years.

The current battle is about watching TV. He falls asleep every night in front of the television from about 9pm onwards and snores his head off.

I try to ignore it while I watch some programmes I'm interested in, but in the end I invariably have to shout to wake him up. That lasts about five minutes and he is off again. He then gets into a huff if I wake him again and that starts the sulk which, like I said, lasts for days.

I am really sick of it, but don't know what to do. I often feel like leaving, but don't see why I should be driven out of my own home.

Patricia replies:

STUBBORNNESS is not a bad thing. We just have to be wise about how we employ it. You are not being wise. You are engaging in battle rather than trying to find a solution to your obvious frustration. And you are not winning.

First off, you have to decide what you want, and then be realistic about your chances of getting it. If your hope is that your husband will stay awake and watch TV with you, I think we can safely say that you should forget it. Nine o'clock is clearly a watershed for him. At least if he's watching TV. I mean maybe he can play cards all night. Or party till dawn. Television, however, lulls him to sleep.

Or is it just the snoring that disturbs you because of the decibels? There's no solution to that either. While sleeping, he snores -- at least when he's sitting on the couch. Shouting at him is just a waste of energy, not to mention the trigger point for days of sulking, which simply makes life even harder for you.

He likes nodding off, wants the option of maybe mooching around later on, and no, he's not wise either.

Or do you just want to watch your programmes on TV in peace, which includes being actually able to hear them? If that's the real issue, buy a second TV and watch it in another room.

That's what I mean about being wise in your stubbornness, or determination, or staying power.

At one fell swoop, you get to enjoy your television viewing, you don't have to hear any snoring, there's no shouting, and your husband has to find another reason to sulk.

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