Thursday 21 September 2017

Dear Mary: My wife wants me to give her my email password

Should couples share their email passwords?
Should couples share their email passwords?

Mary O'Connor

My wife wants me to give her my email password

Q. My wife wants to know the password to my personal email account. I don't want to give it to her and that is becoming a bone of contention between us. She goes on and on about it and thinks that I am hiding something but there is nothing in there that should worry her.

However, there are personal things from my life before I met her that I don't particularly want her to know about and still mean a lot to me. They have nothing at all to do with our life together and should not impinge on our marriage in any way. I think that everyone should be allowed to have their own privacy to a certain extent so long as it does not mar their relationship. Am I alone in this view ?

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Facebook has clarified its policies with a new Community Standards section of the website

Mary replies: I am in full agreement with you on this and I think it is wrong of her to continue to ask you. Everybody has secrets from their past lives to which they are fully entitled. This is different to current secrets which means that there is something that they are hiding from their partner and can only spell trouble. But there is no need to share every single relationship or event that belongs in the past with a spouse.

There has to be trust in relationships and your wife isn't showing very much trust. Perhaps she is a very curious person, or it may be that she sees it as a control issue and she wants to be the one with all the control. It would be unwise to give in on this, so hold firm while at the same time reassuring her that you have nothing to hide. I'm sure she has her own secrets - either good or bad - that she has no wish to share with you, so don't feel that you are the only one with a past life.

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