Sex & Relationships

Sunday 13 July 2014

Dear Mary: My best friend's guy asked for my number

Mary O'Conor

Published 23/06/2013|04:00

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I'm 17 and at an all-girls school and we're just off for the summer. My very best friend Ann (not her real name – I won't use any real names) is off to the country with her family for the summer and I'll go down and spend a week with her in August.

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Ann is gorgeous and all the guys are mad about her. She has been going out with this hottie, Bill, for the past few months and he's incredibly good-looking. I've spent a few evenings with them and he really is fun and intelligent as well.

The trouble is that he knows that I fancy him too. I can't help it. And the other night when Ann was talking to some other friends he asked for my phone number and said he would text me while Ann was away.

I'm in bits over this. Ann has been my friend since we were 10 and I don't want to do the dirty on her. But what Bill doesn't know is that she's been going out with two other fellows at the same time as Bill – though he's her number one.

If he contacts me what am I to do? If Ann ever found out I would lose my mate and I'm not sure if it's worth that. But I know she'll be seeing other blokes while she is away. After all, we're only 17 so any relationship is hardly likely to be for life.

But if Bill is going to go out with me I'm sure that he will be going out with other girls too and I don't like that in a fella. I'm the one-man-one-girl type of girl. I'm just in a mess. I'm half-hoping he won't phone. But if he does, I wonder if I could bring myself to say no to whatever he suggests.

I will be scouring the paper for your answer.

Mary replies:

When I see young people having serious relationships at a very young age I am apprehensive on a number of counts. First, I feel that they are confining their experience with the opposite sex to only one person over a long period of time when they should be exploring lots of different options. I also think that they can get hurt very badly when the relationship inevitably ends, and they are not emotionally ready for this. Being in an exclusive relationship, and in what is very often their first love, also tends to keep them away from their friends.

This isn't quite the case with your friend Ann, but there is a certain amount of deceit involved which is not good. While she is having an apparently exclusive relationship with Bill, she is dating other boys as well.

And Bill is getting restless at the thought of being on his own for the summer. You are caught in the middle of all of this deceit and I think you would be very wise to stay away from it altogether. Your first priority is your friendship with Ann, and you will find going through life that your girlfriends are a hugely important component.

Because of this, you should not do anything to jeopardise this friendship, no matter how flattered you might feel that Bill is taking an interest in you. When they break up – as they inevitably will – will be plenty of time for you and Bill to get together.

Take a moment to think about how you would feel if you were to go out with Bill as a result of his texting you, and then if Ann were to find out. You would forever be seen as the cause of the break-up and things would never be the same again between you. There are loads of other guys out there so have fun. Enjoy your summer.

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