Dear Mary: I fancy my colleague and I saw him on Tinder
Published 02/05/2016 | 02:30
Q: I think a guy that I work with is really cool and I would love to go out with him. As far as I know, he is single, and I do know that he is a very hard worker and work probably comes first for him. We are both in our 20s. Even writing 'we are both' makes me feel good, as it makes me think that we could be a couple. I'm on Tinder, and, when browsing on it the other night, I came across his profile. I indicated that I liked him, but so far there has been no interest from him and I'm really really disappointed. He always seems very friendly if we meet on the lift or at the coffee machine, and I was really excited when I saw him on Tinder because I thought something would happen. I'm considered good looking and am fairly outgoing, so I didn't think there would be a problem. I know that he won't know that I indicated that I liked him, but even so I now feel very embarrassed when I bump into him and I don't know what to say. I even blushed the last time it happened which is so not like me. Any advice, Mary, would be really appreciated.
A: For those readers who do not use the Tinder dating app, I should explain that when viewing each other's profile both people must indicate that they like what they see before the App puts them together so that they can talk. So when this guy saw your photograph and profile for some reason, although we realise he would have recognised you, he didn't indicate an interest, and, as a result, didn't know that you had done. Therefore, no harm done to you and it's a really good way of doing things - or at least that is how it should be. But you appear to have a tendency to fantasise about him and so reality and fantasy have become a bit blurred. Hence the blushing when you see him and daydreaming of you as a couple.
This man is very involved in his work and there are plenty of girls out there with whom he does not work. It is widely acknowledged that dating work colleagues, like dating siblings' friends, is to be avoided if at all possible. It's fine while the couple are dating but what if it ends badly and you still have to see each other every day? And what if he or she is responsible for the other's promotion at some point? There are lots and lots of reasons not to date colleagues, and I would imagine this man thought better of it when he saw your photo.
So instead of being embarrassed in future, look on it as a challenge to let him see what he missed, and anytime you meet him be charming yet restrained, sexy yet aloof and continue to seek Mr Right on Tinder. Also, don't forget that there are other ways of meeting people involving real-life situations as opposed to the virtual world. It would be a pity if everything were to be reduced to meeting online, although I realise it is a very easy way to get started.