Dear Mary: How can I say a final farewell to my friend who previously tried to seduce me?
You recently had a letter about a friendship between an older man and younger woman in work. I have a long-standing friendship with an older man.
It is just that. Now. However, years ago he persistently tried to seduce me. I was unhappy in my own relationship at the time.
Nothing ever happened and we eventually became very good and close friends.
We talk about everything and are emotionally very intimate. However I would never buy him an intimate present. I have bought a tie and a book.
Physical contact is a kiss on the cheek or a hug.
I don't know his wife, and I wouldn't seek her out as I understand she has very different interests to me.
He has said that he doesn't mention me at home at all, just as a member of the team. Yet we often spend time together, just him and me.
It is very innocent yet he feels he can't disclose what is now a long-term friendship to her out of the blue.
However this situation has created its own issue.
My friend has not been well and has been diagnosed with incurable cancer.
He is now in a hospice. I would obviously like to go to see him but how do I?
I would obviously have to meet family and then it just makes us look guilty.
I'm very sad.
Mary replies: It is always hard to lose a friend and naturally you are sad. You have to keep telling yourself that nothing untoward happened despite this man's best efforts to become your lover.
So you can hold your head high knowing that he is just a very good friend and you have no reason to feel guilty with regard to his wife.
Your friend feels he cannot disclose your friendship - perhaps because of the desire he had for you - but he has mentioned you as a member of the team at work.
It would be quite in order for a work colleague to visit a sick ex-colleague, particularly when the prognosis is not good, and this is what you should bear in mind.
I think that it would be very worthwhile for you to be able to say your goodbyes to him even though it would be very sad for you both.
Why not ask at the hospice when would be a good time for you to visit, explaining that you don't want to intrude in family time.
The hospice movement is such an incredibly wonderful and caring organisation that you can be sure they will treat your request with sensitivity.
Sunday Indo Living