Ask Rosanna: My husband cheats because I'm not interested in sex - is that so wrong?
Published 13/05/2015 | 10:34
Q. My husband is a compulsive cheater — I’ve always turned a blind eye to his carrying on, but the kids are a bit older now and they notice things like the nights he does not come home and my older girls are actually taking me to task over it.
They want to know how I can put up with it. Truth be told, I am not interested in sex and I have just always wanted to have children and devote myself to them — but it seems this is not enough to keep them happy and they conversely take issue with me not being more feminist (ie. getting a job and leaving my husband).
I just want to go back to the status quo when we were all happy to co-exist without paying too much attention to what’s going on.
We are a family and I want us to stay that way — I am good friends with my husband and surely he should not be deprived of sex?
A. This is a very difficult situation for both you and your family, and I don’t feel that I’m in a position to tell you what to do. You must think carefully about the family life that you want, and how much you’re willing to go on like this.
If it was me, I wouldn’t stand for such behaviour from my husband, and certainly not if it was damaging my kids. Your children need to be your priority right now, and you have to do what’s best to protect them.
You also need to have a very honest and firm chat with your husband to work out where exactly your relationship is heading. Please take action on this as soon as possible, to avoid any more hurt being caused to your family.
Q. My children (twins) received an obscene amount of money for their communion this weekend — €50 notes were falling out of the many cards they received and I’ve a big problem with this as they are too young to understand the value of what they have been given.
I’ve asked them to think of how they can use some of it to help a child, or children, who are not as lucky as them and that I will open a post office account for them and deposit the rest into it for them.
Saving is a good lesson for children to learn and they are good, kind children so they do understand what I am telling them.
However, school pals of theirs have already been coming into class talking about what they spent their money on — it’s stuff that costs hundreds of euros and seems too much for little children who are supposed to be learning about spirituality.
So while my children are understanding of what I am trying to do they say that they are also getting teased for our stance — should I talk to the teacher? Surely what I am doing is not too far outside of the box?
A. I absolutely agree with your position on this. It’s far too much money for children and they will really appreciate it if you save it up for them for their future.
Unfortunately, not all families have the same attitude towards money and it’s a shame to hear of other kids bragging about what they’ve bought.
Just keep on reminding your children that they will be able to enjoy their money when they’re a little
bit older and understand the true value of it.
I would definitely advise you to have a quiet word with their teacher. He or she would be able to explain to the class that it’s important to save money for future security, and that it’s easy to become bored of expensive toys. That should help to mould their attitude towards their money.
Q. I’m totally broke and can’t afford a holiday this year as I’ve just put everything I have into buying my first home — and it’s so not cheaper to ‘holiday at home’ as this country is bloody expensive, so a
staycation means staying at home.
Which is why I’m trying to get a gang of people involved in planning some cool summer activities like weekend walks in beautiful locations, but they are all too busy dreaming of their two weeks abroad to be even slightly interested.
I was thinking of things like the Wicklow Way — if we get a good spell you can totally camp for the few days it takes. How can I convince my pals that we are not too grand to slum it?
A. When Ireland has good weather, it’s the most beautiful place in the world! It makes the perfect place to holiday for those that appreciate the great scenery and good food. The Wicklow Way or even the Wild Atlantic Way and the west of Ireland make great ‘staycation’ spots.
However, I can appreciate why your friends are dreaming of their holiday in the sunshine. No doubt they have worked hard for a well-deserved break, and getting out of Ireland to a hot country always feels like a nice treat.
But you could always try to reach a compromise with them. Explain to your friends that you’re broke, but would still love to get away and explore Ireland.
If I were you, I would keep campaigning to get your friends to enjoy a few days in Ireland, even if they go to the sun afterwards.
I’m sure you’ll be able to find somebody who wants to save money but have a bit of craic at a camping site for a long weekend.