Monday 23 October 2017

Ask Brian: My girlfriend's inferior intellect and Kardashian interest is embarrassing

Our no-nonsense agony uncle gets straight to the point of your most pressing issues.

Brian O'Reilly

Brian O'Reilly

Dear Brian,

I'm at a crossroads. I have been dating my girlfriend for the past three years and she is a cracker. Very personable, beautiful and without going into too much detail - it's the best sex I've ever had. (She very open minded & adventurous).

Recently she's been dropping a lot of heavy hints that she's ready for me to do the good thing and propose. A lot of her friends are hitched so I guess it makes sense.

We're a great match in almost every regard but recently I've become more and more concerned about the disparity in our intellect.

Like I said she's a great girl but not the smartest girl. She once asked me if Peru was in Europe, and she has no interest in or understanding of current affairs. The only thing she seems to read are inspirational Instagram posts and the Mail Online.

At first this wasn't an issue - like I said the physical aspect of our relationship overshadowed things and we are a great match in most ways- but it's becoming a cause for concern when we're with other people. Sometimes when we're out with my colleagues and people start having intellectual conversations I feel awkward because I know she's out of her depth.

I don't know what to do - on one hand I know she's a kind and beautiful person, but on the other hand do I really want to marry a woman whose mastermind subjects would be Made in Chelsea and the Kardashians?

Anon

 

Brian replies:

Hi Anon,

OMG, imagine the total humiliation when you and the guys are having the chats about the falling GDP in Armenia and she somehow works in a Kardashian reference? Scarlet.

Or when you're having the lols about your fav folk singer from rural Albania and she asks if anyone has heard Rihanna's new song? You won't be able to show your face in that hipster pub for yonks, and they just got that new non-alcoholic taste-free beer made from rare rain forest plants in. Ugh.

What an absolute embarrassment.

I'm going to lay this out very plainly. Dump her.

For her sake - because she needs to get as far away from you as possible.

The fact you acknowledge you're a good match and your only concern is that she might 'embarrass' you with other people means she clearly deserves so much better than you.

You clearly think academic intelligence is the only form that is important, it's really not. Good luck navigating life with excellent knowledge of Renaissance art but no people skills.

Some of the most intelligent people I know haven't attained a high level of formal education.  Some of the dullest people I've met have degrees coming out their ears. Academic intelligence isn't the measure of a person.

I'd be more concerned with dumping your friends if they're the sort who would judge someone for their interests of any perceived lack of intelligence.

Although to be fair to them, nothing in your email suggests that they have acted like this before or made any comments to you - it seems to be coming from you.

Why you are so concerned with what other people think of you?

If you feel you are intellectually mismatched and that is of overwhelming concern to you, break up with her.

I'm being harsh on you - but if discussion of current affairs and other intellectual topics is of great importance to you and it's something you actively miss in this relationship then maybe it isn't for you. That is a legitimate reason to end things, if something incredibly important to you is missing.

But breaking up because you're afraid of what other people might think of you is incredibly vapid.

But staying with her now in your current mindset will inevitably lead to problems down the road. If you feel embarrassed by her bringing up certain topics or lack of interest in contributing to certain discussions you'll take it out on her. You'll try and change her, and in the process do irreversible damage to both her self esteem and your relationship.

Let her go and find someone who loves her and isn't ashamed of her. She deserves better.

 

Do you have a problem you'd like some advice on? Email askbrian@independent.ie  to submit in confidence.

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