Sunday 11 December 2016

Arthur Murphy advises: Was it just a holiday romance?

Arthur Murphy

Published 03/09/2011 | 05:00

I need an objective outsider to tell me if I'm being a total eejit or not. I met an amazing man while on holiday with some friends in Portugal in July.

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We met on my second day there while on a wild girls' night out. We all fancied him rotten, but he seemed to take a liking to me and we hit it off straight away.

The two of us then spent the rest of that week together. Arthur is a total hunk: Brazilian, gorgeous, great job and terrific fun. It was the most intense and romantic few days of my life.

He lives full-time in Paris, so we agreed to keep in touch after the holiday. I was kind of heartbroken when we had to leave, and I think he was too. When I got back to Dublin, we emailed constantly at work and spoke on the phone practically every night.

On his suggestion, I made a leap of faith and flew to visit him the following weekend, and again we had a fantastic time. He even introduced me to a few of his friends. I was convinced that we could make this long-distance thing work.

However, I feel that he's gone a bit cool on me in the past fortnight or so. He isn't as quick to respond to my emails or messages, nor has he taken or returned a lot of my phonecalls.

We'd provisionally agreed after my visit that he'd come to see me within three weeks. That hasn't happened, and when I press him on it, he either ignores it or keeps putting the visit on the long finger.

Just last night we had our first fight on the phone. I'm really upset. I've never met a guy like him before and I want to make it work. I thought he did too, but I'm not so sure anymore.

My friends are saying that it's a classic holiday romance I won't let go of. Is there anything I can do to get this back on track?

Marie

Dear Marie,

oh no. Not the emotional, tempestuous holiday romance thing again. It's always either the curvy, naturally tanned babe, clad -- if you could call it that -- in a bikini which might as well not be there, or the equally tanned hulk with the steroid muscles and broken English accent, both of whom leave a trail of emotional distress behind them.

Like many another, you'll read this and conclude, 'Hmm! What would an old geezer like him know anyway?' Fair enough, but then again in my day there were no cheap package holidays, no cheap flights and, above all, no money.

Mind you, it's difficult to advise a lassie who is somewhat coy about what she was really up to with this Brazilian hunk -- he with the great job, who was "terrific fun and gorgeous" and with whom you had "the most intense and romantic few days of my life".

Reading between your lines, and with the type of mind I have, me thinks there was more of the intense and less of the romance, if you follow.

Let's face it. If your friends "fancied him rotten" just as you did, then you can be sure that others -- lots of others -- did too. If that was the case, then the hunk was well aware of it.

So just ask yourself: if he's so sexually attractive, why would he, or indeed any other hunk, settle for you or anyone else, no matter how attractive you may be, when the female field is his for the... well, whatever? Besides, apart from Paris and Portugal, there's also an awful lot of delicious coffee in Brazil, if you get my drift.

Yup, most of us -- old geezers or not -- have gone through that period of ghastly, dawning realisation that those romantic kisses were mere lip service.

Whether it's male or female, nice bloke or nice girl, if they don't want you, then I'm afraid that's it. We've all done it. We see others as we want to see them and not as they really are. We still do it even when they treat us badly. We make excuses for their conduct.

Look, if this so-called hunk keeps putting you on the long finger in terms of visiting, he's probably right now preoccupied with another female who is stroking his ego, telling him how wonderful he is, and, like you, thinking that she is "the one".

No, I'm afraid this is, as your friends told you, one of those holiday romances, a story of love, lust and longing.

You started your letter by stating that you needed an objective outsider to tell you if you were being a "total eejit or not". In a nutshell, you are.

If he doesn't telephone again nor answer your calls, I don't suppose you'd fancy an old, clapped-out geezer, well past his sell-by-date?

No? Well, it was worth a try.

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