Tuesday 27 September 2016

Amy Schumer on how she confused abuse for passion with ex: 'I thought real love was supposed to look like that'

Sasha Brady

Published 17/08/2016 | 11:34

Amy Schumer is now in happy relationship.
Amy Schumer is now in happy relationship.
Amy Schumer has opened up about an abusive ex-relatioship (Photo by Brendon Thorne/Getty Images)
Amy Schumer
Comedian Amy Schumer attends the GQ 20th Anniversary Men Of The Year Party at Chateau Marmont on December 3, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jason Kempin/Getty Images)
Amy Schumer with boyfriend Ben Hanisch

Amy Schumer has written a raw and honest account of why she stayed with an abusive ex-boyfriend.

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The actress is known for her self-deprecating stories on romance but the 35-year-old's latest relationship story took on a very sombre tone.

In an excerpt from her new autobiographical collection of essays, The Girl With The Lower Back Tattoo, Amy gave an honest and heart-wrenching account of her experiences with an abusive ex-boyfriend.

She identified the man as Dan and described how she mistook his anger for passion during the relationship she had with him in her early 20s.

Amy Schumer with Bill Hader in a scene from Trainwreck
Amy Schumer with Bill Hader in a scene from Trainwreck

"It proceeded to get worse and worse, and I started escaping the apartment whenever I could. I'd go to Starbucks, lock myself in the bathroom, and sit on the floor and cry," she wrote.

"I knew I should go back to the East Coast but I thought no one would love me as much as he did. I believed he was just as passionate about me as I was about him, and that if I did a better job of not making him mad, we'd be fine. I really felt he loved me. And I really loved him.

"I think somewhere in the course of our relationship, I started to confuse his anger and aggression for passion and love," she added.

The Trainwreck actress described how Dan would get drunk and physically abuse her.

“I thought he was the love of my life for a long time but I allowed him to hurt me in ways that I still don’t understand,” Amy explained. “Dan and I would go to happy hours and get drunk, and then he’d get mad and shove me little. Sometimes from the shove, I’d trip over something and fall, and get hurt.”

She also gave an account of Dan’s most violent outburst which occurred when he shoved her onto the hood of a parked car. Amy banged her head and elbow but “didn’t get hurt ‘by accident’ this time.”

Amy Schumer with boyfriend Ben Hanisch
Amy Schumer with boyfriend Ben Hanisch

The New York-born actress said that Dan “felt terrible” after the reported fights but she convinced herself that the bruises were “accidents.”

Because despite everything, Amy said she truly believed that he loved her.

"I actually started to think that real love was supposed to look like that. The more you yelled at each other, the more you loved each other. The more physical and demeaning it got, the more you were really getting through to each other. And the more I was willing to stand by him, the more he'd understand that I truly loved him and that we should be together forever.

Fortunately Amy broke up with Dan a few months later and she is now in a content relationship with furniture maker Ben Hanisch, who she describes as her "first, real boyfriend".

But she wants other women in similar situations to know that they're not alone and it isn't okay.

“I’m a strong-ass woman, not someone most people picture when they think ‘abused woman,’” she wrote.

“It can happen to anyone. You're not alone if it's happening to you, and you're not exempt if it hasn't happened to you.”

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