Advice: I'm dissatisfied with our love life
Advice columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine offers her perspective on family dramas, emotional issues and dysfunctional relationships
Published 23/11/2011 | 10:47
My husband and I have been together for six years, although we've only been married for two.
He is not very interested in love-making and whenever I try to talk to him about it, he says there's nothing wrong.
We only make love about once a month, which he says is fine, but for me it's not. It only happens if he's had a drink.
I really love this man, but sometimes I feel we are living together more like flatmates than husband and wife. What can I do to make him more interested?
FIONA SAYS: BE HONEST WITH HIM
There are lots of people for whom once a month would seem perfectly normal, just as there are many for whom 'normal' is once or twice a day.
Having less interest in sex isn't in itself a problem but it is if the partner's interest is greater, as in your case.
Compromise is generally the answer in such cases but in yours I am concerned to read that he only makes love to you after a drink.
I think this may indicate that anxiety or tension of some kind may be holding him back.
If he has been like this for as long as you've been together then he won't change easily.
If he could learn a few relaxation techniques though, it may help.
Then if you can get him more relaxed, explain you have a problem.
Tell him that you feel unhappy and dissatisfied with your love life. Don't wait for him to make the first move, you do the asking and see if he responds!
If his tension and anxiety is around his own abilities then this may help to boost his confidence and sense of self-worth.