How not to wear black on the red carpet
Published 15/04/2015 | 02:30
The sun may have been shining, but it seems that black was the only colour to be seen at theatre's Olivier Awards. However, the tried and tested staple of every fashionista's wardrobe didn't work for many stars, with the notable exception of Gillian Anderson. Didn't they get the memo that eye-catching doesn't have to mean trashy?
Oh bless, isn't it sweet when pop starlets try to show that they're all grown-up? Unfortunately for Pixie, the singer hasn't quite managed the transition just yet. She was clearly aiming for sexy and sultry, but instead she got stuck at grungy thanks to her overdone eye make-up and lack of ability to wield a hairbrush. As for her choice of outfit, it manages the unenviable feat of prompting onlookers to mouth 'meh' despite its low-cut top and thigh-high split. Better luck next time. Nice shoes though.
Ladies, this is how to wear black...
Long before we settled down with our box sets of House of Cards and Mad Men, there was The X-Files. Millions faithfully tuned in every week to see if Mulder and Scully would discover if the truth about those pesky aliens really was out there. Well, that's what they said. Really everyone just wanted to know if the sci-fi singletons would discover the true meaning of chemistry. Sceptical Scully was a fantasy pin-up for so many geeks despite, or maybe because of, her devotion to sombre suits. You can only imagine the fantasies fuelled by the thought of helping her out of those clothes and, of course, The X-Files is coming back. So Ms Anderson's legions of already over-heated fans will truly be thrilled by this classy full-length number that cunningly shows off her legs. The rest of us can revel in a masterclass in just how to wear black.
Seriously, Anne-Marie, what were you thinking?! Just because you have the perfect accessory in the shape of husband and X-Men star James McAvoy, that doesn't mean that you can take the easy way out when it comes to your outfit. Some would call that shameless, y'know. Unflattering and ill-fitting, this looks like a cheap bridesmaid dress, not something a fully-grown woman would actually choose to wear on the red carpet. You'd better take care not to stand anywhere close to a naked flame…
It's the age-old story. Girl meets boy, they split up, they get back together, they break up again, another reconciliation, then another split up, they decide to give it yet another go and then finally, finally, in a flurry of column inches, they break up - seemingly for good this time. So what is a girl to do to ensure that all eyes are still on her even without the benefit of her usual arm candy? Well, if you're Nicole, and your first claim to fame was strutting your stuff as a Pussycat Doll, then it's dead easy. All you have to do is show off your figure in your tightest, lowest-cut dress, taking care to make sure that it's full-length because you certainly wouldn't want anyone to think you were trashy, now would you?
Hmm, so you're a beautiful classical singer who is 'pre-engaged' (that is, you've publicly confessed to wanting to marry your boyfriend, but he hasn't quite found the time to pop the question just yet) to a rugby star (England captain Chris Robshaw) and you're going to a very classy awards, so just what should you wear?
Well, black, that's a given surely with your blonde hair, but you do want to make sure that you stand out - for those onlookers who aren't exactly sure who you are - so a daring approach is essential.
Shame that you forgot to read that memo that sideboob flashing is so over.
Oh well, every awards ceremony benefits from a (near) wardrobe malfunction…
Oh Gemma, what would James Bond say? Nothing, actually, he'd be too busy picking himself up off the floor after seeing his former sexy squeeze looking, well, a bit tacky actually. We might, just might, be able to cope with the plunging décolletage - she's still young enough, just about - but to team it with a gold choker?
Clearly her starring role in the West End musical Made in Dagenham about the true story of female Ford workers who went on strike for equal pay didn't have quite the impact on Gemma's fashion sense that might have been expected. This is just one for the boys, so long as they aren't too discerning, that is...
But colour isn't always the answer...
Oh Kylie, we feel for you. We really do. We've all been there. Those days when you'd do anything to spend some time mooching around the house, no make-up on, wearing your favourite comfy trackie bottoms.
But on a night like this when you're appearing with the great and the good at the Foundation for AIDS Research fund-raising gala, it's time to pull out all the stops. Kylie's a pro, so of course she did just that.
We're sure some of her fans are thrilled that she decided not to choose between two dresses but to wear both of them. Unfortunately we're not one of them. We look at the design and think why, oh why, would anyone feel compelled to wear an ensemble that makes you resemble one of those unloved Quality Street sweets?
It's not as if she didn't know there were going to be cameras around to record her shame. We expect better from you, Kylie.