Festival flops: What NOT to wear at Longitude
Published 17/07/2015 | 02:30
Ditch the wellies and bin the floral headband - they're naff cliches. Eva Hall lists the 10 worst festival-fashion faux pas and provides some rocking alternatives
Another summer, another festival season complete with uninspiring, predictable, verruca-causing, wedgie-inducing fashion trends.
We could blame Kate Moss, for rocking up to Glastonbury in 2005 in her hot pants and Hunter wellies, prompting generation after generation to attempt the 'I woke up like this' look.
Or we can look to Alexa Chung who updated the trend with a leather jacket and over-the-knee socks in 2008.
But really we should pin the blame on Woodstock, which told a nation of 1969 hippies to be at one with nature, forego your material possessions in favour of a more bohemian look, and kick off your shoes to go barefoot instead.
You see, 2015 festival fashion is actually the complete opposite of the Woodstock ethos. Mass-produced headbands from Penneys and 'vintage' Levi's - worn in an 'ironic' way - are exactly the opposite of the counterculture movement.
So as Longitude kicks off today, here are 10 festival fashion trends that need to die, and 10 alternatives to help you stand out from the crowd.
1 Cut-off denim shorts
One of the more unfortunate fashion trends of late has been the 'underbum' - ie, baring faintly obscene amounts of your rear end. Festival-goers, regularly spotted in teeny denim cut-offs, are the worst offenders. As trendsetter Tweeter @DublinGirlo says: No hun, just no. Opt for a denim pinafore instead (below from Asos). They're right on-trend with the current 70s theme - and much more Portaloo-friendly to boot.
We get it, you're more boho than Sienna Miller was in 2007, when she blatantly ripped off Kate Moss's gladiator sandals. But why not upgrade the fringe bag with a patterned bum bag? Easier to mosh with, there's no fear of losing your portable phone charger, and this can be your ironic 'vintage' nod to Mr Motivator.
3 Underwear/swimwear as outwear
We're not sure when, or why, this became a thing, but let's face it, most Irish bodies were not made for Pamela Anderson in Baywatch-style one pieces. Between the spice bag gut and the layers of fake tan that have streaked in the Irish rain - and it's forecast to rain all weekend - this is never a good look. Let's leave it to the pros. If you insist on showing some skin this festival season, at least prep for the weather. This see-through rain mac will show off your outfit and keep you dry at the same time.
4 Hunter wellies
The festival brigade may have brought heritage brand Hunter back from the brink, but is it really necessary for every single festival goer to wear a pair? We're not suggesting you ruin your footwear and get mud all up your back and down your leg (that's what happens in a portaloo, only it's not mud... or your own), but why not invest in a pair of hard-wearing biker boots that you can wipe clean afterwards, or this nifty pair of rubber boots?
5 Sandals/high heels
Wellies bring us to another unusual footwear of choice for the festival goer. Sandals. Really girls? You want some stranger's vomit - or worse - in between your toes? And don't even start us on those who opt to go bare foot (vom). If you're guaranteed dry weather, just wear comfy runners, or Chuck Taylor Converse to be extra safe with the high top. (If you wear heels to a field you're an idiot).
(Urban Outfitters, €45)
6 Bindis/fake piercings
Not only is it naff to wear fake piercings, there is some debate as to whether it's culturally insensitive to don a bindi or a feather headdress during festival season. By all means, go OTT on the accessories - just keep it classy. Try these festival-inspired necklaces on for size
7 Band tees
We all love a rock tee - they're the perfect dress up/dress down top. But don't wear one just because you think it looks cool. Unless you can recognise Megadeth's back catalogue by someone miming the drum solo - do not wear the tshirt. Another pet peeve - wearing other band tees to gigs, like wearing a Rolling Stones tee to an Arctic Monkeys gig. Your ticket should be taken off you. Instead try the actual band Tshirt, but on the off chance you're just going with your new boyfriend because he's tall and you said you were sooo into rock music on that first date, try a cut-off distressed top instead. Skulls are usually a safe bet.
( Ralph Lauren Denim & Supply, €47.94)
8 Floral headbands
Vanessa Hudgens may have been crowned the Queen of Coachella, but is she a flower girl at a wedding? No. If you want dramatic accessories, go for feather earrings or a Marrakesh-inspired hand chain, like those from Irish designer Eleanor Hall.
9 Over-the-knee socks
What purpose are the socks serving? If you're worried about the cold just wear jeans. If you're worried about comfort inside your wellies, just wear runners. Whatever you do, don't try hide your cheap wellies with your Hunter brand socks. That's worse than wearing the Hunter wellies.
Granted, this is more a male festival-goer trend, but needs to be addressed all the same. Unless you are an actual cowboy, have genuine allergies to mud, or are a member of the Sons of Anarchy, the bandana around the face/head is not acceptable. Even when you're Justin or Kanye (left). Want a cool accessory? Try a silk scarf a la Paul Weller, or you know, a cap.
5 acts you don't want to miss at Longitude 2015
Hozier (Main Stage, Friday)
Two years ago Andrew Hozier-Byrne was sitting in his bedroom in deepest rural Wicklow, singing to the trees and the squirrels. Now he's a Grammy-nominated, Taylor Swift-approved superstar. No mean feat for a self-proclaimed 'gangly introvert' with silly hair. Expect his Friday performance to be a glorious homecoming.
Years and Years (Main Stage, Saturday)
Fronted by a former British soap actor, Years and Years are one of the hottest forces in pop right now. Their hit single King represented a glorious Vulcan mind-melding of New Order and Madonna, with a prominent wink towards platinum soul-boy Sam Smith. Booked for a quiet mid-afternoon slot before things truly take off, they could well have headlined the festival.
James Blake (Main Stage, Sunday)
Pale, skinny young men are clearly where it's at in left-field pop nowadays. In the case of James Blake you may add to the mix a cloud-parting falsetto which ensures that, while his repertoire is often brain-rattlingly weird, you never want to stop listening.
Ibeyi (Heineken Stage, Friday)
French-Cuban sisters Lisa-Kaindé Diaz and Naomi Diaz have created a stir with their wonky soul-pop - music that applies the traditions of their Caribbean homeland to a thoroughly contemporary electronic template.
Tove Lo (Heineken Stage, Sunday)
Amidst the deluge of mewling indie-boys, hurrah for Ebba Nilsson, aka high-kicking Swedish dervish Tove Lo. Imagine an artsy, Scandinavian Rihanna whose pretentiousness was matched by her searing stage presence.
- Ed Power