Professor Green on why he and Millie have put a family on hold: ‘I’m so haunted by my dad’s suicide’
Published 18/10/2015 | 13:51
Professor Green has revealed that he still hasn’t moved on following his father’s death seven years ago.
The artist, whose real name is Stephen Manderson, lost his father to suicide and he has struggled with depression in the aftermath.
The star told The Mail on Sunday revealed that he has started seeing a psychotherapist last year as he is afraid he could be vulnerable.
“I think there’s a genetic link with depression and suicide,” Professor Green said.
“I haven’t yet had suicidal thoughts although there have been a lot of dark, difficult days over the years.
“I felt it was right to take precautions by going to therapy and trying to fix myself, because – being happily married – children are the next logical step.
“But I can’t escape the fact that I am a product of my dad and I don’t want to pass this on.”
Professor Green married Made in Chelsea star Millie Mackintosh two years ago and said it is only in recent years that he has recognised the impact his father’s death had on him.
“I remember when my nan came into my room crying and told me that my dad had hanged himself,” he said.
“I punched the wall and this anger came over me, followed by confusion and then wondering what had been so bad that he had to take his own life.”
The artist revealed that he does not want to put his emotional struggles on the shoulders of Millie.
“We’ve been married two years. But I’ve always kept [my dad’s suicide] out of our relationship. “There was one time early on when my nan brought out my embarrassing childhood pictures and we came across one of me and my dad, and I burst into tears. But it is not up to Millie to fix me. Only I can do that.”
Professor Green is preparing to release a documentary about suicide and mental health which he has produced with the BBC.
“My dad had an identical twin who died; his brother David killed himself in 2006, then his sister Susan died of leukaemia in 2007,” he said.
“My dad had been to the doctor because he was depressed and was on his way to mental health charity Mind when, if you like, he turned right instead of left.”