Nicole Scherzinger reveals 'dark time' in her life fighting bulimia
Published 02/07/2014 | 08:31
Nicole Scherzinger has opened up about her past battle with bulimia.
The former X Factor judge features on the cover of the latest issue of Cosmopolitan UK and speaks about overcoming the eating disorder.
"I had such a great life on the outside, the Dolls were on top of the world, but I was miserable on the inside," she said.
"It is such a horrible, paralyzing disease and it was such a dark time for me," the songstress said of her past struggle with bulimia, which she first went public with in 2012.
"I didn't think anyone knew in my group or in my family because I hid it that well, I was so ashamed. I knew it wasn't normal or healthy because I was hurting myself through this cycle of disordered eating."
The Pussycat Doll, who is in a relationship with Lewis Hamilton, said she noticed the affects on her voice and her manager would often find her unconscious on tour.
"I had started losing my voice, I couldn't sing at shows, and then I remember my manager finding me passed out on the floor in Malta or in the south of France," she divulged.
"I thought, 'I'm going to lose everything I love if I don't love myself' … I’m never letting that happen again; you only get one life -- I was 27 only once."
Scherzinger said she's naturally a reserves person and finds her television work cathartic.
"I get past my shyness by making everything about others and not thinking about myself," she said.
"That's what I did on The X Factor -- I can be goofy and playful when it's about the acts. They are like my babies. But when I'm off stage, I'm not as big and animated."
And while her on-off romance with Hamilton is the subject of tabloid fodder, she said she's determined to make it work with her love.
"It’s something crazy romantic," she explained.
"Relationships are hard and having to hold a long-distance relationship is even harder."
"It’s kudos to us for growing and trying -- there’s so much love there. It’s just the distance, it’s not natural for anyone. But I’m good and I’m happy."