Friday 9 December 2016

‘It is unrealistic to expect libidos to be equal at all times’ – Maia Dunphy opens up about ‘maintenance sex’

Published 09/06/2016 | 21:38

Maia Dunphy
Maia Dunphy
Maia Dunphy with husband Johnny Vegas and their son Tom.

She's never been one to shy away from difficult conversations, and now journalist and TV presenter Maia Dunphy has spoken out about having a sex life after a baby.

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After bringing up the topic of ‘maintenance sex’ on her new parenting site The M Word, she said she “opened a can of worms” and has received a flood of stories from mums sharing their experiences.

“I was amazed by how frank they all were. For a country not known for our openness about sex, they were delighted to share their stories and compare them with everyone else’s,” she told Anton Savage on Today FM.

“There were many shared stories about pretending to be asleep, bringing baby into bed just to keep him away, and the more physical side.

Maia Dunphy with husband Johnny Vegas and their son Tom.
Maia Dunphy with husband Johnny Vegas and their son Tom.

“It wasn’t always the tiredness that put them off the idea of sex, but often also body hang-ups, stretch marks, scarring and sagging.”

She added that many women described having “maintenance sex”, which she explained as “the kind of sex you have out of a sense of duty rather than a genuine desire in a relationship”.

“This may sound terribly depressing, and as women, this concept goes against everything we are told about love and consent, but in this hazy, post-baby world, it’s not that simple.”

The mum-of-one continued: “Sex and intimacy are important – they are what differentiates a relationship from other friendships and connections, and it is unrealistic to expect libidos to be equal at all times.”

Maia and her husband, the comedian Johnny Vegas, welcomed their first child, Tom, last year, and they live in London with Michael (11), Johnny’s son from a previous relationship.

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