Monday 5 December 2016

Cara Delevingne on stopping antidepressants at 16: 'That week, I lost my virginity'

Independent.ie Newsdesk and Agencies

Published 05/08/2016 | 12:22

Cara Delevingne arriving for the Suicide Squad European Premiere, at the Odeon Leicester Square, London
Cara Delevingne arriving for the Suicide Squad European Premiere, at the Odeon Leicester Square, London
Cara Delevingne and Suki Waterhouse backstage at the Glastonbury Festival, at Worthy Farm in Somerset Credut: : Yui Mok/PA Wire
Cara Delevingne attends the European Premiere of "Suicide Squad" at the Odeon Leicester Square on August 3, 2016 in London, England. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images)
Cara Delevingne (L) and St. Vincent attend the de Grisogono 'Divine In Cannes' party at Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc on May 19, 2015 in Cap d'Antibes, France. (Photo by David M. Benett/Getty Images)
Actress Cara Delevingne attends the Suicide Squad premiere sponsored by Carrera at Beacon Theatre on August 1, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for Carrera)
Cara Delevingne attends the European Premiere of "Suicide Squad" at the Odeon Leicester Square on August 3, 2016 in London, England. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images)
Model Cara Delevingne arrives at the 2016 MTV Movie Awards in Burbank, California April 9, 2016. REUTERS/Phil McCarten

Cara Delevingne stopped taking anti-depressants because she didn't want to become dependent on medication.

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The model-turned-actress has been candid about her battle with depression, and how it left her feeling so low that she even contemplated suicide around the age of 16. She was placed on a strong cocktail of medication but decided to come off the tablets when she was 18 because she never wanted to become reliant on them.

“I hate meds," she told Britain's Esquire magazine. "I don’t agree with them. It’s so easy to abuse them."

She added that she immediately felt the difference once she came off her medication because her feelings returned and she had sex for the first time.

Cara Delevingne attends the European Premiere of
Cara Delevingne attends the European Premiere of "Suicide Squad" at the Odeon Leicester Square on August 3, 2016 in London, England. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images)

"That week (I stopped taking them), I lost my virginity, I got into fights, I cried, I laughed," she admitted. "It was the best thing in the world to feel things again. And I get depressed still but I would rather learn to figure it out myself rather be dependent on meds, ever.”

During the interview, she spoke about having a mental breakdown as a teenager. Dealing with her hormones and the pressure of achieving good school grades sent her into a downwards spiral so severe that she even considered taking her own life.

"I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I realised how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die," she explained. “I felt so guilty because of that and hated myself because of that, and then it’s a cycle. I didn’t want to exist anymore. I wanted for each molecule of my body to disintegrate. I wanted to die.”

During that time, Cara, 23, dropped out of boarding school and pursued a career in modelling, following in the footsteps of her older sister Poppy.

Actress Cara Delevingne attends the Suicide Squad premiere sponsored by Carrera at Beacon Theatre on August 1, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for Carrera)
Actress Cara Delevingne attends the Suicide Squad premiere sponsored by Carrera at Beacon Theatre on August 1, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for Carrera)
Cara Delevingne (L) and St. Vincent attend the de Grisogono 'Divine In Cannes' party at Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc on May 19, 2015 in Cap d'Antibes, France. (Photo by David M. Benett/Getty Images)
Cara Delevingne (L) and St. Vincent attend the de Grisogono 'Divine In Cannes' party at Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc on May 19, 2015 in Cap d'Antibes, France. (Photo by David M. Benett/Getty Images)

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