Friday 21 October 2016

8 things we expect to find in Khloe Kardashian's self-help book

Holly Shortall

Published 02/05/2015 | 12:31

Not to be outshone by big sister Kim, Khloe Kardashian has recently announced that she's also planning to release a book.

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Unlike Kim's selfie collection, Khloe's 'self-help guide' promises to inspire the reader to “create their own true strength and beauty, inside and out.”

In a “culture that worships skinny'', the entrepreneur, TV star and our all-round favourite Kardashian, believes she could teach us a life-changing lesson or two, and we believe her!  So much so that we've put together eight  predictions as to what you might expect to find in the yet untitled publication, due for release on November 3rd.

1. What to do when your Mom acts like she's 20

With a penchant for thigh-high boots, eye-wateringly short dresses, and anything featuring a large Chanel  logo, matriarch Kris Jenner (nee Houghton, formerly Kardashian) acts more like a sister than a mother to her seven children. Never one to shy away from the spotlight , the recently-divorced momager has embraced her newly single status.

Having dove headfirst in to the Calabasas social scene, emerging in a sequin mini dress, glass of wine in one hand and new toyboy lover Corey Gamble in the other, the resurrection of Kris has been a sight to behold.

With Corey just three years older than Khloe, it's safe to say the topic of embarrassing mothers could feature heavily in the publication. We definitely think Khloe could offer plenty advice to those of us whose mothers insist on borrowing our clothes and have Instagram accounts featuring nothing but heavily-filtered selfies.


2. How to get your dream fashion job

The multi-talented Kardashian sisters have been their own chain of clothing boutiques, Dash, for close to 10 years.  From mannequin-styling to doing up the weekly staff roster, we’re pretty sure hard-working Khloe could teach us a thing or two about making it  in the retail sector.

In 2014, the sisters caused outrage when they advertised for an 'experienced window display intern' (unpaid) for their Spring Street store in Manhattan's​ ​Soho neighbourhood. While we do believe that interns should be paid, we'd bet our lives on there being thousands of Kardashian fans who would gladly forgo a wage if it meant having Khloe talk them through how to cash up a till.


3. How to be a fab babysitter

Affectionately referred to as 'Koko' by her nieces and nephews, it's pretty obvious that Khloe is the much-adored doting aunt. In 2014, sister Kim declared Khloe to be her 'favourite babysitter' for North - this despite that fact that oldest sister Kourtney is a mother-of-three.

Making no secret of her own desire to have children, Khloe will one day make a fantastic mother, but for now we 'd be happy if Khloe's book provided us with a chapter detailing the day-to-day duties of a child-minder - not forgetting the paragraph on how good it feels to hand them back at the end of the day and treat yourself to a glass of red and a bubble bath.

We were also hoping she might shed some light on the awkward subject of how much to you should charge a family member - if at all - for minding their kids.


4. How to not take yourself too seriously

Khloe is the queen of self-deprecation and never lets vitriolic hate-mail get her down. For years, Khloe has been the victim of vicious keyboard warriors who question her paternity and post cruel jibes about her appearance. However, Khloe's responses are always hilarious and scathing in equal measure.

When Khloe was labelled a drag queen, she played the bullies at her own game by taking the remarks with a pinch of salt and while she was filming in Miami, decided to judge a Khloe Kardashian drag queen competition. Confidence goals.


5. How to cope when Kim Kardashian is your sister

Just like the Brady Bunch, the Kardashian family also features its own perfect sister - in the form of golden child Kim. Admittedly Kris' favourite, Kim (and her body) is the reason the whole family are multi-millionaires, which no doubt has the others seething with jealousy when it comes to their mother’s affections.

Taking that jealousy, and turning it into motivation, the formerly-shy Khlo recently began to hit the gym with serious gusto, reinventing herself as The Queen of Body Confidence, and with a booty to rival Kim’s. In her new book, she plans to challenge perceptions 'in a culture that worships skinny'. With any luck, she might also dedicate a few pages to the subject of sibling rivalry, offering a pearl of wisdom or two to those of us whose sisters are hotter than we are.


4. How to plan a wedding in under a month

It goes without saying that this a touchy subject, as Khloe's much-publicised marital breakdown to Lamar Odom caused heartbreak for not only her, but the loyal fans who supported her through every painful moment. While we don't think she'll focus much of the book on the marriage itself, we do think it would be downright rude if she doesn't a least provide some inside details into how the hell she managed to snag a husband and plan a wedding in just three weeks.

For us mere mortals, a wedding planned in under a month would probably consist of a borrowed dress, a registry office and a cake from M&S, but the Kardashians don't do low-key, and in typical fashion pulled out all the stops for an extravagant Lavender and Magnolia themed day.


5. How to be an inspirational big sister

With half-sister Kendall, 19, taking the fashion world by storm, and the even younger Kylie, just 17, already fast-eclipsing the rest of the clan in terms of social media following, it's easy to see that growing up with three glamorous big sisters has made a lasting impression on the Jenners. "Khloe is more of a mum to me than my mum is sometimes," Kylie recently admitted.

Often stepping out in almost-identical outfits, we think it’s crystal clear how much the poster girl for lip liner looks up to big sister Khlo, and hope to see a few pages of the book dedicated to being an awesome older sibling.

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6. How to deal with heartbreak

Poor Khlo knows all too well the heartbreak of a relationship breakdown, having split from husband Lamar in 2013.  Between allegations of drug abuse, cheating rumours, and meetings with lawyers, no one is really sure where it all went wrong, or whether or not the two are still legally married.

Dealing with her broken heart by posting an array of sexy selfies and inspiring quotes on her Instagram account​, Khloe picked herself up, dusted herself off, and began dating rapper French Montana within months. Khloe could surely dole out the relationship advice based on her own experiences, and also those of mom Kris and sister Kim,  who between them have had 5 husbands .

7. How to kontour like a Kardashian

Glam Squad or no Glam Squad, it goes without saying that Khloe Kardashian is smokin' hot. But, as the late, great Max Factor famously said, "You are not born glamorous , glamour is created". If a family ever represented this quote more than the Kardashians, we have yet to come across them.

With a team of in-house make-up artists and hair stylists at her finger tips, Khloe is bound to have picked up a few tips and tricks along the way - not least when it comes to the concept of 'contouring', a feature-altering make-up fad championed by the Kardashians.

Within a week of the book launch,  we're expecting  to see sales in both MAC and The Art  &  Hobby Shop to skyrocket as hordes of teenage girls join in the trend of painting shadows and highlights on their faces and cleavages, enhancing them beyond recognition. Sure who wants to look like themselves anyway?


8. When to bring the sass

"The bigger the hoop. the bigger the hoe", as Khloe once told her mother, who was donning a pair of gold hoola-hoop-sized earrings. It goes without saying that Khloe is by far the most outspoken Kardashian and never one to hold back, she provides us with some killer one-liners every week on Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Fiercely protective, Khloe has always had her family’s back and cares deeply about those around her, but, family or not - cross her and you'll know all about it! We would love to see a chapter or two on the self-confidence required to stand up for what you believe in, how to kill with a look, and most importantly, when and how to bring the sass.


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