Sunday 11 December 2016

Top five... Man United Legends

Pat Fitzpatrick

Published 13/04/2015 | 02:30

Eric Cantona
Eric Cantona
Wayne Rooney
Cristiano Ronaldo
Roy Keane
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer

As Barry Egan talks to David Beckham, we take a look at other luminaries of Manchester United, past and present

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1 Eric Cantona

There is something about the way Eric wore his jersey with the collar turned up. The French probably have a phrase for it. Je ne sais quoi what it is. As you can imagine, the Germans have a word for him. Der FrenchyFanKicker. Some of them call him Eric, particularly if they are in a rush. Eric has moved on to star in a number of art-house movies. You know, the ones that move at a really slow pace and finish badly. Just like United these days, says you, in your Chelsea jersey.

2 Roy Keane

Roy got into trouble recently after an altercation with a taxi driver in England. We were shocked over here in Ireland to hear that the cabbie phoned the cops. Obviously, the poor Brits don't have a dedicated radio phone-in show where taxi drivers can air their grievances. Sure, what kind of country is that at all? If any of our English readers have been affected by this slur, we recommend you call Liveline. Make sure to pretend that you drive a taxi. They'll love you.

3 Wayne Rooney

There is talk that Wayne could have qualified to play for Ireland. Let's run him through our patented 'Are you Irish?' test. Q1: Does your head have potato-like qualities from a certain angle? Yes. Q2: Have you ever got off with a woman much older than you on a big night out? Allegedly. Q3: Do you fancy yourself as a boxer every now and again? Oh yes. Q4: Is your surname, in fact, Rooney? Yes. Sign him up, Martin O'Neill. Sign him up.

4 Cristiano Ronaldo

Ronaldo said he is more likely to end his career in the US than make a return to English football. If you can't guess why, we know one thing for certain - you've never been to Manchester. If you think Manchester is the exception up north, we know another thing for certain - you've never been to Liverpool either. Let's face it. Only a fool would imagine that something other than money attracts superstars to Manchester. Unless you really like 'otpot.

5 Ole Gunnar Solskjaer

He didn't just win the 1999 Champions League final with a goal in injury time. Ole was also the answer to a question that had puzzled British and Irish people for ages - name a famous Norwegian. (Without admitting that you know too much about the band A-ha). It's a classic single-answer question, like 'name a river in Egypt'. If you reckon you can name another one, you are in The Nile. Sorry. That was a 'pharaoh' way to go for a gag.

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