Harry Redknapp has lamented the cut-throat modern transfer market, comparing it to "gang warfare", with agents acting like competing cartels in the Glasgow ice-cream wars.
The Queens Park Rangers manager's vivid take on trying to do transfer business in January comes as he prepares to host Manchester City this evening with a squad he insists requires major surgery if it is to be competitive.
He said he was trying to bring in three or four players, with Portuguese centre-half Rolando and West Brom forward Peter Odemwinge among the confirmed targets, but expressed dismay with the way agents controlled the market.
"This transfer window, I've never seen anything like it. Every agent seems to be trying to screw each other. It's like gang warfare out there. It is scary," Redknapp said. He claimed the problem was agents attempting to dictate to clubs who they could deal with, and joked it was like the ice-cream wars between Glasgow criminal gangs in the 1980s.
"If someone can see themselves muscling in on a deal, it's a bit like ice-cream sellers, someone has nicked their patch, in Glasgow! Someone's going to shoot them or something!"
Redknapp said that QPR were "fighting for their life" to secure new players before the window closes on Thursday, but added that the market was "a nightmare".
He played down the prospect of Odemwinge leaving West Brom, with the midlands club having turned down two offers from QPR. South Korean left-back Yun Suk Young could be added to the squad if he receives a work permit following a hearing today at Wembley.