Pardew feared sack after butt
Newcastle boss Alan Pardew has admitted he feared the sack after head-butting Hull midfielder David Meyler.
The 52-year-old was this week handed a three-match stadium ban and a further four-match touchline suspension after admitting a Football Association misconduct charge.
Pardew was also fined £60,000, some £40,000 less than the punishment imposed on him by his club within hours of the incident at the KC Stadium on March 1.
However, owner Mike Ashley opted not to dismiss him and that was a source of huge relief.
Asked if he had feared for his job, Pardew said: "You have to. When you are in the public eye, like I am, and an incident like that [happens], you have to fear for your future.
"Of course it's a relief because when you have made a mistake - and men make mistakes - my mistake was in front of millions of people, but you have to pay a price and there was a hefty price to pay.
"Mike acted swiftly and I accepted that, and we go forward. I have to say that in this interim period since the incident, the backing I have had from the club in particular has been a really big help to me because obviously, it's been difficult."
Pardew revealed he has written to Tigers boss Steve Bruce to reiterate the apology he offered immediately after the game, and to insist he bears no ill-feeling towards former Sunderland player Meyler.
Asked if he was embarrassed by his behaviour, he said: "Yes, of course.
"Everybody has had varying opinions, but what you can't get away from is the fact that most of the opinions have been pretty much that it was a situation I can't get involved in.
"As the manager of Newcastle United, I need to make sure that never happens again.
"At the time, I didn't think it was as bad as it appeared on TV - and I must have watched it 2,000 times now.
"But the bottom line is I should never have walked forward and got involved in that situation when he pushed me.
"I sent a letter to Steve to say there was no animosity on my side towards David and to say sorry, basically, for the incident that happened. I deeply regret it."
Pardew, who requested a personal hearing, insisted he was always going to accept whatever penalty came his way and has already contacted the League Managers' Association amid suggestions he could benefit from anger management training.
He said: "It's something I went to the board for because what I must do when I come out of this situation is become a better manager.
"I have had something like 678 games, I have only had one touchline ban before this one, but that doesn't mean to say what I did had any justification.
"I spoke to the LMA about maybe some management consultant issues that I could look at that might help.
"But the bottom line, for me, is quite obvious, which I said straight after the game, that if I am going to be on the edge of the technical area, I am putting myself in that situation I don't need to be in, so I am going to sit down.
"In the short term, I'm in the stand - and actually for three games, not even in the stadium - so that has been put in place already.
"That will give me, actually, a period to get my head around it in terms of how I take the team forward because one thing you will never take out of me is my desire to win and my hunger to win.
"Newcastle fans know that that is what drives me and drives this club, so that I have to keep. But I have to channel it in the right way."
The Magpies are yet to finalise the logistics of exactly how their manager will watch Saturday's Barclays Premier League clash with Fulham at Craven Cottage, ahead of which he will deliver his pre-match address at the team hotel before handing control to number two John Carver.
Pardew said: "He [Carver] knows what I expect and I don't envisage, for three games, it being a massive problem, if I am honest."
Carver will have to deal with a double injury blow, however, with in-form striker Loic Remy and full-back Mathieu Debuchy each having been ruled out of the next three games with calf and groin injuries respectively.