Friday 9 December 2016

No Sleep Till Bordeaux: Between tyre-changing and street-cleaning, it’s more Jobbridge than Lads On Tour

A letter from The Ledge

Published 16/06/2016 | 21:20

The Ledge is in France
The Ledge is in France

Allright lads?

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Sorry I haven’t posted in ages, haven’t had time to go on Facebook or Twitter, been too busy being ambassadors for the country. Or to put it another way, showing up the English and Russians (seriously, the media can’t get enough of us!).

Did ye see the pics of us on social media changing the tyre for that old dear who got a flat on the Rue de La Whatyamacallit? We were having a beer and next thing, yer wan is out of the car and looking like she’s going to burst out crying. We were about to slink back into the bar but Paulie reminded us of our sacred duty as soldiers in the Green Army.

Read more: No Sleep Till Bordeaux: No Pints ‘Till The Plane rule lasted about 30 seconds

So, long story short, she didn’t have a fecking jack (of course) so we had to send one of the lads off to ask the barman if any of the regulars could supply one. Anyhow! Job done, she’s all “Oh, merci! ‘ow can I thank you Irlandais?” We gave significant looks towards the bar and suddenly she’s out of all the English words she knows and getting back in her motor. I wouldn’t mind, but she asked Paulie to check her oil and water and I’d say she would have let us give the old yoke a five-thousand mile service if we had volunteered.

Meanwhile, there’s four guys from Mullingar who’ve got bin-bags from who knows where and they’re telling everybody to “collect all the beer bottles lads, remember! Best Fans in the World! And for feck’s sake – RECYCLE!”.

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So there’s a couple of hundred of us giving the whole arrondissement a dust-down and singing “Clean Up For the Boys In Green”. I’m telling ye, this whole “You’ll Love The Cuddly Irish” thing is getting out of hand. Before we know it you’ll have lads volunteering in Bordeaux’s animal shelters and reading bedtime stories in the local orphanage.

Like, nobody’s saying we should go on the rampage like the English and the Russians, but we’re here for the football and the beer, not work experience with Care in the Community. Between the tyre-changing and the street-cleaning, it’s more Job-bridge than Lads On Tour.

Anyhow! We’ve just landed in Bordeaux. The Airbnb we fixed up is a non-runner after the little trouble we had with the flat in Paris. In fairness, half the lads had never seen a bidet before and I’ll tell you what, those yokes have some serious water pressure, one “flush” and we managed to cover the four walls and the ceiling.

So we are now barred from Airbnb. Worldwide, according to the email. Whatevs! Paris was a blast and Bordeaux is going to be mental! The Belgians look ropey - Just need to keep an eye out for random Russians!

Enjoy the match – be back with another update soon!

* As seen on Facebook by Joe O’Shea

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