Hugh Farrelly: Even the horse has bolted from 'Newtownshambles'
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DUTCH Gold don't do one-horse towns, but ... Actually, that's a bit unfair, you cannot describe New Plymouth as a one-horse town, given that the horse has long since bolted for a more stimulating existence in the Australian outback.
It calls itself a city, but New Plymouth (or 'Newtownshambles' as one of the more cynical members of the Irish press corps calls it) is no more than a moderate-sized town and it was a pretty grim place to be on Thursday evening with violent wind and rain coming in off the Tasman Sea.
The streets are laid out American-style, so your hotel is located "two blocks from the clock tower on the corner of King and Devon, and so on. And the main drag was exactly that, shutters clattering, not a car in sight, and only a few die-hard locals venturing from their homes to ponder their existence over sorrowful pints at various Tumbleweed Arms-type hostelries.
One establishment called 'Broadway' was advertising a 'Live Concert' by a local singer-songwriter who constituted exactly 50pc of the clientele when we entered. The artist, looking suitably windswept and interesting with his Jesus hair and beard, was sitting down having a beer and a fag with the only other customer, but leapt up to his feet with unseemly haste upon the arrival of three Irish journalists and proceeded to warble through a self-penned number about broken dreams.
embarrassed
It was hard not to feel sorry for poor old Jesus, who told his ma he was going to be a rock star and, 10 years later, ended up 'entertaining' three embarrassed Irishmen who stayed for one song before giving him a sympathetic wave on the sprint out. Anyone in New Plymouth next year for the World Cup who wants to check out Jesus and Broadway can find it 10 blocks down from Ambition Drive on the corner of Angst and Despair.
Exposure to New Plymouth makes the hoopla about Ireland basing themselves in Auckland until Thursday seem all the more ridiculous. In short, the squad would have gone stir crazy if they had been here since Sunday. It's named after an English town, but this place has Bordeaux written all over it, with the same capacity for mental drain that Ireland experienced in their French World Cup outpost three years ago.
When they did fly down on Thursday, the Irish squad were greeted at New Plymouth Airport by -- you've guessed it -- a haka. Of all the Kiwis encountered over the 20 years since they first drifted into Irish rugby, there has yet to be one located whose party piece did not involve this Maori war dance. Nothing against the haka, but once you've seen one, you've seen 'em all and it would be great to get an aul' song or a bit of poetry the odd time, just for a bit of variation, like.
Although, to be fair, the Kanohi ki te Kanohi Kapa Haka group did try to shake it up a bit with their performance of a 'powhiri' for the Irish squad -- a traditional Maori welcome, incorporating a bit of singing, speechifying and nose-rubbing.
A picture of the squad's arrival was on page one of yesterday's 'Taranaki Daily News' under the headline 'Warm Welcome For Irish,' but the story that went with it was laced with acid.
"The Irish rugby team FINALLY arrived in New Plymouth yesterday, FIVE DAYS after the All Blacks," it read. "Having already lost the public relations battle, the Irish are looking for a good performance to build up a fan-base for next year's World Cup."
However, Ireland should apologise to no-one. It was they who requested that the Test be played here in the first place to acquaint themselves with one of their World Cup venues, and using Auckland to recover from the 31 and a half hour journey and Friday night's match against the Barbarians made perfect sense.
For the record, New Plymouth is not all bad. The weather picked up yesterday morning and the sea-front walkway is spectacular, crashing waves and dramatic rock formations providing an edge-of-the-world feel. When the fans started to arrive yesterday evening, there was a definite buzz about the place, although with accommodation so scarce for this one-off Test, one can only imagine what will happen when an estimated 3,500 Irish fans decamp here for the World Cup.
That is for another day. All told, the Kiwis are a sound bunch and last night it was good to see locals enjoying themselves as this frontier town enjoyed a rare moment in the spotlight ... even the Broadway Bar was hopping. Jesus wept.
DINO MAKING MARK
IN SPECIAL EFFECTS
IT was good to catch up with an old friend in Auckland this week, a man whose family would be well known to followers of Irish rugby and Limerick rugby in particular.
Gareth Dineen was a fine No 8 for Munster Schools, Munster U-20s, Old Crescent and Old Belvedere in the 1990s before giving up rugby at 25 to pursue a career in the film industry, a path which took him to Los Angeles, Wellington and, eventually, Auckland where he lives with his wife.
Limerick rugby fans will know Gareth's father Len, a former Munster prop, from his rugby radio broadcasts on Live 95, while his older brother, also Len, lined out for Old Crescent, Con and Munster -- facing the Australians at Thomond Park in 1996.
Though Gareth never got the opportunity to play senior for Munster, he hasn't exactly been wasting his time. Working with CGI on a succession of blockbuster films, Gareth was part of the special effects teams that picked up Oscars for their work on King Kong and Avatar. Not bad Dino, in fairness.
- Hugh Farrelly
Irish Independent
