Seven things which are very disturbing about this photo of Louis van Gaal
Published 25/09/2015 | 14:45
A photograph has re-emerged, so compelling and harrowing in equal measure, that we cannot quite fathom its existence.
The photograph depicts Manchester United manager, Louis van Gaal, alongside his fellow countryman, Dick Advocaat, whilst the two were managers of PSV and Ajax respectively.
The pair will meet again this weekend when United play host to Sunderland on Saturday, but we're unsure if we'll ever be able to get this surreal image out of our head.
Here's everything that's so wrong with it...
It's unsurprising that both Advocaat and van Gaal's get-up smacks of long outdated fashion - but more than that, Dick Advocaat has the look of a world-weary bank manager given one more lease of life by the prospect of training up his young and ambitious protege bank clerk: Louis van Gaal.
Dick Advocaat's miracle growth
Arguably the most baffling aspect of the photo is the extent to which the Sunderland manager seems to have recovered his hairline. In the ensuing years since the photograph was taken, Advocaat has defied medical science and re-grown his fading locks.
The set design is almost as disturbing as the models featured in it. Velvet grey for a photoshoot? Amateur.
We're constantly being reminded by old professionals that 'shorts used to be shorts', and this photograph indeed confirms that length of short on prior to today's overly endorsed footballers was criminally short. Look at them, they're practically non-existent... oh, wait.
The distressed models
We can't help but feel slightly troubled by the visage of both women - their expressions betray a traumatic past we can only imagine - that, or they've just been told they'll one day join Advocaat in Sunderland...
The stray hand
We're sure it's inadvertent - but Louis van Gaal's hand is straying dangerously close to turning the photo-shoot into an x-rated scene.
Oh... and the sexism
It is isn't it? We're all agreed on that. Whilst the painstaking effort to spray-paint the entirety of both women - just to offer some mild titillation - is admirable, it's definitely not acceptable. Fine, let's move on.