Thursday 19 October 2017

Cork hurlers - the stars from the Rebel county

Donal Og Cusack
Donal Og Cusack
Ben and Jerry O'Connor
Jimmy Barry Murphy

Pat Fitzpatrick

As Emily Hourican talks to Cork's Ashling Thompson, our reporter has a look at some other GAA stars associated with the Rebel county.

1 DONAL OG CUSACK

The former goalkeeper revealed that a Tipperary fan used a megaphone to shout homophobic rants at him during a match. Still, it was nothing to the abuse he got from Cork fans when he started using the short puck-outs. Dats not natural! Donal Og worked with the GPA, representing inter-county players. The stars wanted more than a petrol allowance and the pick of any woman in the county. Or man. (Unless it's Tipperary, and you end up with some guy following you around with a megaphone.)

2 BEN AND JERRY

Ben and Jerry O'Connor are two of the biggest stars in Rebel hurling. No wonder Cork people don't like Haagen-Dazs. (Or anything from outside Cork, says you.) The identical twins must have been hard to play against. "Right, Scobie, you're marking Ben O'Connor." "Which one of them is he?" "I don't know." It's like those American comedies where a guy asks a girl out and his identical brother turns up for the date. That's funny. In no way whatsoever.

3 ANNA GEARY

Anna has four All-Irelands, has been in the Rose of Tralee and made numerous TV appearances. And you thought you were great doing the mini-marathon. She has worked on TV shows such as Operation Transformation. This has boosted the well-being of the nation. By allowing us to sit on the couch and judge people who could do with losing a few pounds, says you, through a mouthful of Doritos. Sharing pack? Schmaring pack.

4 JIMMY BARRY MURPHY

Jimmy Barry Murphy's surname is actually more Cork than hating yourself for thinking you are better than everyone else, while drinking a can of Tanora. His fans sang "six foot two, eyes of blue, Jimmy Barry's after you". That song was supposed to terrify other teams back in the 1970s and 1980s. Now we've acknowledged that homosexuals play the game, you can assume one or two opponents heard it and thought, "Jesus, I think I'll slow down, that guy sounds divine".

5 DIARMUID O'SULLVAN

Hollywood's highest-paid actor, Dwayne Johnson, is known as The Rock. Except in Cork, where he is known as De Udder Rock. Diarmuid O'Sullivan will always be The Rock. It's one of many great GAA nicknames, like Waterford's Michael Brick Walsh. A great player if you are looking to build up a team. Or a wall. The best was Bomber Liston in the 1980s. A fantastic nickname, right up to the moment you arrived at security in Heathrow.

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