Communion - the party that never ends...but at least it went off peacefully

Published 13/05/2014 | 05:38

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Well The Communion went off without a hitch...almost. The Child was absolutely beautiful but burst out of her dress twice during the mass and had to be buttoned back into it by her teacher, who was NOT impressed. This is what happens when you buy a dress on sale a year before the big event and don't fit it on again until the day before!

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She happily took the host from the priest at communion time, which we were very relieved about as she is suspicious of anything going into her mouth other than waffles and sausages. She did however poke around her mouth with her finger while still at the altar and show all the other girls what she found much to the hilarity of the assembled congregation.

Still it was lovely. And they were all beautiful, like miniature little brides although I'm not sure if they were supposed to look like that.

And then it was time for the hooley when family and friends gather to drink you out of house and home! Himself had me cleaning again the night before, deciding at the last minute to steam clean the sofa. I ask you? All that meant was anyone who sat on it the next day got a wet arse!

The bathroom was gleaming and the eldest was banned from using it until the day after the festivities as his aim isn't the best! Himself persuaded me to part with my treasured Jo Malone liquid soap so that guests could wash their hands in luxury.

After a few glasses of wine the next day I accosted his auntie Betty outside the bathroom and asked her had she washed her hands. She looked mortified and said, 'Of course.'

'How many times did you wash them?' I inquired.

'Once' she stammered.

'Oh that's alright then,' I said, walking away leaving her looking as though she might ring the guards to have me committed.

And so we fed them and watered them at lunchtime and fed them again in the evening, (the drinking was continuous) but by midnight when a few hard core party goers were still showing no sign of leaving I began to get inhospitable.

I made a full sliced pan of turkey sandwiches, dumped them on the coffee table and snuck off to bed. Two hours later the party was still in full swing and the sing song had commenced. Himself finally managed to get rid of them by taking out the hoover and running it round their feet!

The next day dawned and relief swept over me that everything had gone well and I could settle down to normal life again. As I pottered around the kitchen in my dressing gown there was a knock at the front door. Himself's entire extended family were standing outside.

The Mother in Law eyed my get up disdainfully. 'You invited us for lunch last night.'

Oh Sweet Jesus. I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

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