Weddings, not just Irish ones, can bring out the worst in some people

Published 18/10/2011 | 10:27

WHAT IS it about weddings that brings out the contrariness in people? I've yet to come across one that doesn't involve a big bust up somewhere along the way. I vaguely recall me falling out with my sister and my mother on the day of my hen night over something so inconsequential I can't even remember what it was. (They probably didn't get me a stripper!) And I'm usually a little ray of sunshine!

With the sister in law about to tie the knot with the Australian, the in-laws seem to be a little on the tense side. The Father-in-law is on the Rescue Remedy (although the Mother in Law told him it was breath freshener!), the M.I.L is on the gin, the bride to be could be about to hit the valium any day now (or if she isn't she should be) and the rest of us are tearing into the wedding champagne we found hidden in the garage!

It has to be said, the S.I.L has turned into a bit of a bridezilla since she arrived home and normally she's the most easy going person you could meet. We've been informed there will be no Hen Night (that's what she thinks!), no Stag Night (that's what he thinks), no cocktails, no fake tan, no veils, no tiaras, no Afters and no children.

This wedding, apparently is going to be the height of sophistication and we have all been warned to be on our best behaviour when the Australian contingent arrive. There is to be no drunkenness or loutish behaviour and we are not, under any circumstances to show her up. That's expecting a little bit too much.

There is to be a champagne reception followed by a zillion course meal after which there is to be some tasteful dancing and a little intelligent conversation. "Are you going to do finger food for later?" the other S.I.L enquired.

The bride to be looked at her in horror. "Absolutely not. There will be no finger food, cocktail sausages or sandwiches," she stated. "Will I cook a ham?" asks the Mother in law. "Everyone likes a nice ham sandwich."

The Sister-In-Law looked like she was about to faint. "I am telling you now. There will be no ham or ham sandwiches. If ye want ham sandwiches go home to your own houses and have them but you won't be having them at my wedding."

In keeping with her sophistication theme we're taking her to a Spa for her "Hen Night". All she wants is a day of pampering and a nice quiet dinner.

Me and the other sister in law had great plans to sabotage the whole night by introducing games involving toilet roll, rude questions and drinking lots of shots but we were found out and reprimanded by the M.I.L.

So we've resigned ourselves to the fact that it won't be your typical Irish wedding and we might not even have a hangover the next day, which is so outside my realm of experience as to be surreal. And after all, it is her Day. So if she wants us to be refined and sophisticated we will do our best.

Still it would have been nice to have a few ham sandwiches!

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