Cavemen hadn't the same temptations
Last week, the good woman told me she wants me to be me more like a caveman. 'That's no bother,' I assured her, picturing in my mind skimpy leopard-skin outfits and regularly throwing her over my shoulder when I need to show her who's boss.
'Not like that,' she tutted, acerbically, and went on to explain how the Paelo, or Caveman, Diet works.
The Paelolithic Diet, to give it its full name, is based on what its creators presumed pre-historic humans ate. It consists of meat, grass-fed pasture-raised meats, eggs, fish, fruits, roots and nuts and excludes grains, dairy products, processed oils, potatoes, refined salts and refined sugar.
'Apparently after a few days you will have a different kind of hunger, and crave fruit and veg like never before,' she enthused, 'and I want you to try it out with me.'
Over the past few years, through having a job that involves me sitting in front of a computer screen for lengthy periods, I have fallen into a few bad habits when it comes to my diet. But the Caveman Diet sounds a tad extreme to me. 'I'll tell you what,' I negotiated, 'I'll try it for three days and see how we're fixed from there.'
And so it happened. On day one, I was allowed a breakfast of rashers and tomatoes - I insisted on having them with a cup of tea. I wolfed the lot down and could not really see any sacrifice (breakfast is usually a banana or a Berocca). During the day I ate more apples, bananas and pears than you could shake a stick at, and ate a vegetable-riddled pork stir fry for dinner.
By the end of day three I was, as the good woman had predicted, craving fruit and vegetables like never before. And I have to admit feeling a bit healthier. In fact I was a bit hooked and signed up for another two days, even though I had to have a bar of Dairy Milk with my cuppa on day four; life without a regular Cadbury's fix is not a life at all.
Then the weekend came, and a certain rugby match enticed us into the pub. Such was the feel-good factor that electrified the air after the Irish win, that we only felt if poilte to sink a few more pints than usual. The night ended in the chipper.
With that, the Caveman Diet went out the window. But we were glad we gave it a go. Will we stick with it? Not a chance. But we will continue the rediscovered love for fruit and veg.
At the end of the day, modern man won't realistically have time to whip up rashers and fried tomatoes for every breakfast, and does end up eating on the go.
Much as Fred Flintstone and his Neolithic hunter pals did, I suppose, though they didn't have the likes of McDonald's and buckets of fried chicken to tempt them into culinary bad habits. I imagine if there were, it would take a caveman with a lot of willpower to look a Big Dino Mac in the eye, and opt for a celery stick instead.