I HAD the worst case of Man Flu last week folks. Only my fellow male companions can understand the plight of Man Flu. Life, the meaning of life and any will to carry on is sucked from your veins and only copious amounts of soup, red lemonade and sleep can cure it.
Being a sports writer I was luckily able to get in plenty of the bit involving sleep but with the weather so fantastic last week I fought through my severe illness and discovered a chore that once a year I absolutely love doing.
Mowing the grass in the right weather, with the right music can be bliss.
This applies strictly to ride on mowers on relatively short grass. Do not confuse this task with a push mower in long grass. I would rather wear a Wicklow jersey for a week than attempt that but once a year when the grass isn't quite too long and the sun is shining there's nothing I enjoy more than making our three quarters of an acre of a back yard look like Croke Park.
Don't get me wrong, come September when the grass grows as you cut it I'll throw all kinds of tantrums before I eventually hack away at it under the watchful eye of the mother. Anyway, I digress!
While zooming around this week on my orange Husqvarna ride on mower, with my wireless headphones blaring my 'Grass Cutting' playlist into my brain I began to imagine my back yard was not just Croke Park, but Mcgrath Park in Bagenalstown.
It's Easter Saturday and I'm standing at centre forward marking Seamus Moynihan and watching Darragh O Se take up position in midfield.
"Best of luck boy," says Moynihan to me but I'm too star struck to reply.
The game is rapidly passing me by and Ken Hickey is only loving the opportunity to take me off. I can see all the subs warming up and I feel the end is near.
With 20 minutes played though things begin to change and I make a run toward goal.
Moynihan has deserted me, clearly deciding I'm a dud and that he can let me roam free like a chubby sheep in a vast field of green well cut grass.
A ball comes sailing towards me though and I'm in acres of space, maybe even three-quarters of an acre of space, I take it in my hands and I'm 20m from goal. Ten thousand ideas come to me at once but three are more prominent, "Shoot, pass and just get rid of it!" The final idea is probably influenced by the barrage of supporters outraged at me in possession but I take the bull by the horns and my mind is made up - I'm shooting.
I wind up the boot and begin to drop the ball toward the old trusty left peg. Moynihan is thundering toward me and big Joe Kiernan is bellowing instructions from the line that someone better take me out, no better man than Moynihan.
I connect with the ball just as Seamus' shoulder collides with my entire body, he sends me into the air where Darragh O'SE and Graham Gerathy sandwich me and I'm doomed. The ball is sailing for the target in the meantime until BOOM I crash the feckin lawn mower into the big garden gate.
Man Flu, lawn mowing and day dreaming do not mix! Anyway folks come down to Mcgrath Park Bagenalstown this Saturday to see the ultimate GAA legends give me and some others a lesson in football. Tickets are €10 and proceeds go towards Ireland Autism Action get in touch on 0872630848 or email@example.com or come along for 2pm on Saturday.