Wearing kid gloves
In this age of multiple dangers, how do parents strike a balance between wrapping children in swaddling clothes and giving them leeway? Aine Nugent reads a new guidebook on the subject
Proud parent: Ruth Cleary with her daughters Rachel, 13, Elena, four, and son Jack, 10, at their home in Shankill, Co Dublin. Picture by Kenneth O'Halloran
Tuesday March 25 2008
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief as nine-year-old Shannon Matthews was found safe and well. It is every parent's worst nightmare that their child should go missing -- a tragic reality that the families of Madeleine McCann and Amy Fitzpatrick are still going through.
Keeping our children safe is the first priority of parents, and the modern world has more dangers in it than it did when we were children -- perhaps because we're more aware of them. Because of developments in technology, communication has never been easier -- and never more fraught with danger.
A new book written by clinical psychologist Paul Gilligan hopes to give worried parents a helping hand. As former head of the ISPCC, he is well qualified to do so. Keeping Your Child Safe looks at the ways in which children can be put in danger, unwittingly, unintentionally, but detrimentally. It also looks at safe-guarding them; and how parents can monitor who cares for them, and how, while maintaining trust with them.
Covering areas such as building up self-esteem, dealing with childminders and how our own childhood experiences can affect how we parent, Gilligan pinpoints the key worries parents have. He strives towards helping us find a healthy middle-ground between neurotically smothering our children and a carefree approach without the boundaries children need and demand. The book cleverly discerns the worries parents have at different ages – from the toddler in a crèche to the eight-year-old being bullied in school or the teenager finding her first freedom.
There are excellent tips onparenting children in this age of technology, regarding use of mobile phones and the internet. A survey by the Internet Advisory Board shows that 27pc of nine to 16-year-olds claimed to have been asked for personal information and photos on the internet; and 26pc had visited hate sites – boys three times as likely as girls to do so. Most worryingly, 7pc had met someone in real life they had chatted to on the internet – 24pc of whom turned out to be adults.
Gilligan claims the antidote is building a healthy parenting relationship with children.
Barnardos says that only 36pc of parents working full-time felt they spent enough time with their children, rising to 52pc where one parent stays at home.
Eighty per cent believe childhood is more fraught with danger nowadays than when they were children.
Dumping the guilt is an integral part of healthy parenting, says Gilligan, along with confidence in our child and parenting skills. Learning to spot the danger signs of abuse and potential harm is key and this book lays them out in clear simple language.
