Saturday 27 December 2014

What’s Garth Brooks doing this weekend?

Does anyone actually care?

Published 25/07/2014 | 13:38

I woke up this morning to a text from my friend in low places (she’s from Clonmel, Tipperary in fairness so the pun is valid). “I can’t wait for Garth tonight,” she wrote. “Oh wait...”

Yep. Tonight was the night that the man himself was to launch his five-day country music offensive in Dublin’s Croke Park. 

The controversy around, and eventually the cancellation of, the ‘homecoming’ of the megalomaniac – sorry, megastar – was covered in the media more than anyone could handle. 

Rivalry between the national broadcasters’ documentaries on the Owen Keegan v The World saga even hit the headlines this week as the story of the summer rolled on.

And while I’m well aware of the irony of returning to the keyboard to trot out yet another Garth-related piece, I can’t help but wonder what the big man is going to get up over the next few days.

Some 400,000 of us had to go back to the drawing board to figure out what to do with our time (and flights, hotel rooms, cowboy paraphernalia, etc) since our previous engagements went up in smoke.

So I’ve concocted a couple of scenarios that self-proclaimed ‘best performer since Elvis’ might get up to. I’ll head you off at the start there – he’s not going to be washing his hair.

           1) Garth the ‘gimp’ (the modified Wiki entry gave me that one) has rolled his love for Ireland back marginally since he stood by his frankly ridiculous ultimatum. “Chicago is the PERFECT city to launch the World Tour!,” is now being shouted from his rooftop.  So he could be spending the weekend thinking about how welcoming people from Chicago are, how it’s always felt like a real home to him and establishing some rather tenuous links in heritage.

           2) In the same press conference that Ireland’s ‘system’ got well and truly dissed by Garth, the singer announced his signing with Sony Music – and the release of his music in a digital format. Naturally I then had a poke around his new ‘fancy’ website to see what it’s all about. I just hope he’s making use of his free time over the next days to give that the kick it sorely needs.

           3) Mr Brooks used weekend performances at Las Vegas as a bridge between his early retirement and his current status as the best working and touring musician in the world. So, since his Irish gig has been completely scuppered, perhaps he’ll rock down with his not so little entourage and epic yet-to-be-uncovered stage and throw out a few tunes to keep his vocal juices flowing.

            4) Bessie mate Peter Aiken could have informed him that no one in Ireland actually cares about the real Garth Brooks anymore and are coming together to sing his songs anyway with Irish tribute act ‘Friends in Low Places’. I can see the headlines now: ‘Global superstar wrestles mic from Westmeath band at Dalymount Park’.

To be honest, though, I don’t really care what you’re at tonight Garth. I’m just glad I have the night off work – not listening to your songs. Bring on the Ticketmaster refund.

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