Saturday 1 October 2016

What a Country!... the things we hold dear

Pat Fitzpatrick

Published 24/08/2015 | 02:30

Tight shorts aren't only restricted to the GAA fields
Tight shorts aren't only restricted to the GAA fields
An Irish model, not on Grafton Street
Sorry Elton, sorry isn't the hardest word
Red lemonade had a magic formula for kids
The Irish welcome is legendary

As celebrities tell us what they love about Ireland, here's a look at some of the things that we hold dear in this country

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1 THE GAA

The GAA has made a priceless contribution to Irish life. Without it, young men from rural areas would have no chance of getting a middle-management job in a bank. And we might never have heard of the term 'no fault'. The most unique thing about the organisation is, of course, the parade before big matches. Where else would you see a group of handsome young men walking along in tight shorts behind a band? At any Pride parade, says you, upsetting a few older members of the association.

2 Irish Models

Here's a message from the ordinary men of Ireland. "We acknowledge the efforts of the advertising industry to get our attention using girls in their knickers on Grafton Street. We hereby confirm that it works every single time." A reply from the feminists. "We are disgusted that women are objectified in this way. We want the advertising industry to consider another route." A further reply from the ordinary men. "We look forward to photos of girls in their knickers on Dawson Street."

3 SORRY!

Attention, foreigners. The best way to get the attention of an Irish person is to apologise loudly to them in a public place. We Irish like to say sorry as much as possible, because we have a nagging feeling that we did something terrible, possibly after drink. This sorry is not to be confused with the apology you give in front of a Dail committee. That one translates as "You can shag off if you think I'm going to hand back my pension".

4 RED LEMONADE

Let's face it, you're probably better off not knowing what goes into making a bottle of red lemonade. Where did they get the red lemons, said no one who ever wanted to enjoy a glass of the good stuff. (Or what your granny might have called a glass of red.) Many reckon that it was in its prime in the 1980s. Back then, it was not unusual to see a group of children running around in a circle for eight days in a row.

5 FAILTE

Our welcome is legendary. When the Troika arrived to take over the country, we were falling over ourselves to be nice, in case they gave us a bad review on TripAdvisor. The welcome for tourists is different. Not that there are foreigners working in the hospitality sector. Tourists are devastated they are no longer greeted by a woman shouting, "Do ye like us? We're more laid-back than the Brits..."

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