Your Majesty, let us back into the realm
Published 18/11/2010 | 05:00
DEAR Your Majesty, On behalf of the people of Ireland I beseech you to take our little country back into the bosom of your realm and provide us with succour in our most dire hour of need.
Please ignore our complaining ad nauseam about 800 years of colonialism, your dodgy imperial past, your overrated football, cricket and rugby teams and all our unkind utterances about your wonderful family
Let me just remind you that we remain steadfast in our obsession with all things English: your gift to the world that is the English language, most of the world's major sports, your Premiership football teams, your soap operas, your musical genres, your high-street shopping -- not to mention that system of law for which we remain eternally grateful.