Published 30/01/2012 | 05:00
I want to surrender. The sophisticated logic and subtle reasoning of the EU/ECB/IMF troika has finally brought me to my senses. I have finally accepted the complex nature of our financial peril.
The bit about explosions on the high street clinched it for me. And in case any of you thickos haven't got it yet, don't worry, you are not to blame for your ignorance, you just haven't been as exposed to enough of the ''it's complicated, dire consequences, bombs, terrorism imagery'' logic yet. You see, it is indeed complicated; this ''manufacture of complications'' business. The starting point for manufacturing illusions of complexity often provides the greatest challenge, that being, in our case, that it isn't complicated at all. In fact, it's very simple; big people are dumping on little people.
But this is where the clever buck stuff comes in. When we were thrust into disbelief about the bank guarantee in September 2008, we were told that there would be no cash in the machines, and that if we were not careful, entering our pin number into an ATM would trigger a thermonuclear explosion, taking out busloads of schoolchildren and kittens that would happen to be passing on their way to a vulnerable persons'/creatures' conference.