Tuesday 27 June 2017

Hairy terrorists

•I have noticed that since the dramatic fall in temperatures during the past few weeks, there has been an almighty influx of spiders in homes across Ireland and I am not talking small delicate little spiders.

My first encounter with one of these big spiders occurred one night going to bed. I found him on the wall at the head of the bed, massive eight legs all sprawled out holding up a well-buffed chassis. I let out a scream, it did nothing to frighten him, he remained there determined that I get no sleep that night. It took two hours to remove him with a glass and a piece of paper. I needed a shower and a hot toddy afterwards.

Some days after my own traumatic spider ordeal, a friend confessed he, too, had been a victim of an invasion of big spiders. "I had one in the kitchen yesterday, bigger than the dog so he was," he recalled. "It took me the entire evening to beat him to death with the fly swatter."

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