Dáil to play for if the two big parties face off in the octagon
Published 23/04/2016 | 02:30
Before a ban or regulation of MMA is introduced in Ireland, given the lack of progress on the formation of a government, might it be an idea for representatives of Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil to resolve the matter not in the Dáil, but in the octagon? Then we'd see some genuine engagement. Instead of a guarantee of three to five budgets, there would be a guarantee of three five-minute rounds - much more efficient.
I see both sides trying to occupy the middle ground. It's quite likely that there would be liberal use of the guillotine, not to mention the whip (which might breach even MMA rules), but on the other hand, we might see a few submissions. Fianna Fáil would of course be awarded the interim title (now that it can't have the real one). They might be short on numbers, but Fine Gael could second some of its TDs to Fianna Fáil to even things up (everyone knows the difference between them is akin to the difference between the violin and the fiddle anyway).
Of course, MMA terminology would have to be explained to any would-be protagonists. For example, it would have to be clarified that 'striking' has nothing to do with Luas workers and that a 'tap-out' has nothing to do with the Dáil bar. Finally, I suggest both sides are denied use of any private health insurance until the crisis in the health service is addressed, and all fluids until they agree on a plan for Irish Water.