Call to make certain death more certain I HAD a 'Eureka' moment recently.
What with all the gloom and doom of the economy, the environment and the future of the world, it came to me. The real problem is that there are just too many of us. We are living longer and breeding at an alarming rate. What to do ? The greatest issue, as you head towards old age, is the uncertainty it brings. As one's health deteriorates, the nursing home is just around the corner and the misery continues. What if there was a specific age, say your 80th birthday, where you reported to your local medical centre for your NPT test -- National People Test. There you were given a thorough medical. If you passed you got the relevant certificate and were good for a further two years. If you failed you went through the PFC -- Party, Funeral and Cremation door -- where a social worker would give you the relevant dates and pass you over to the legal department to finalise your affairs. Imagine the party, with all your nearest and dearest gathered round to say their final farewells and raise their glasses to you one last time. Your glass would have a lethal cocktail in it, of course. The whole process would take no more than three months and in one fell swoop, eliminate the uncertainty of old age. There would be no losers and the projected savings for the State over the next 10 years would be €18.5bn. Let's have the debate now. Phil Egan Dublin 5