Saturday 22 July 2017

Banks can't even do basics

Sir -- Yesterday I went in to my local bank to pay my mortgage and my overdraft bills. This is how I have to do it since I lost my job two years ago and my bank accounts were liquidated. I collect the children's allowance and then put it all in the express lodgement box with the appropriate dockets and the bank manager is happy for another month.

As I say, yesterday I went in to pay my monthly dues but found a very strange state of affairs inside the bank. Immediately inside the door, to the left, was the woman from a local off-licence with a display of bottled European beers. I skirted around her but came face-to-face with a large woman with a painted face, in huge multi-coloured bloomers, blowing up balloons. I shimmied quickly to the right heading for where I knew the express lodgement box to be but almost tumbled straight over a little man with a stained-glass display hunched over his low table. I caught my balance and arrived at the bench where the express lodgement slips are kept but there were no slips there. There were toffees and assorted chocolates though. Suddenly I heard a voice, asking: "Can I help you sir?" I spun around, expecting to see a juggling midget or Olli Rehn in a kangaroo suit -- but it was a bank clerk, smiling at me. I told her that I just wanted to make an express lodgement. She told me that that service didn't exist anymore and that I would have to queue for the cashier.

She pointed to the queue of between 15 and 20 customers that I had failed to notice in the midst of the circus.

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