He says he's not my guru - but he is
I'll admit. I was vulnerable. It was a confluence of events. I seem to have this kind of mini-nervous breakdown before each TV run. "It stems from the fact that you are not as good as you want to be - that's really what nervousness is", Leonard Cohen says. So five days before airtime, I was slightly paralysed by stress, locked in a negative loop and worrying myself into a state whereby I thought I might stop functioning. I basically wanted to take to the bed with the radio.
If normal functioning was all that was required I probably wouldn't have worried too much. I can usually manage to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. But going on TV with any other baggage in your head, you worry that your sluggish brain or something behind the eyes will betray you.
I did all the right things. I deliberately maintained contact with people even though I didn't feel like it. I got out in the fresh air, for blowy walks with a friend along the South Wall drinking the vast expanse of sea and sky, I immersed myself in cold water. I tried everything to reset my head.