Friday 9 December 2016

This Man's Life: Into the cave, where my clandestine affair with Jose is conducted

Published 16/10/2016 | 02:30

Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho Photo: PA
Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho Photo: PA

It's like that old Elvis song. My wife and I are going our separate ways. Albeit for 90 minutes every week. We will have a trial separation for 90 minutes a week. I am leaving her for someone else. She is happy about the arrangement. It isn't quite the classical open relationship, even though there is someone else involved. That 'someone else' is Jose Mourinho. And the place I am vanishing to for my emotional infidelity, my rumpy pumpy with Jose, is my new man-cave to watch Man United on Sky Sports.

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Don't get the wrong impression here: I am not desperately seeking manctuary in my hallowed space of masculinity so much as following a traditional path. Maureen Dowd in the New York Times in 2009 wrote that: "Men have always craved private realms - the golf club, men's club, garage, workshop, shed; a place to get away from the chatter and clatter of women and kids." They say if you are looking for President Obama after hours? Check the Man Cave known as the Treaty Room in the White House.

So don't be too quick to judge me as living in a time-warp. The bins are collected on Tuesday at 7am so I will still have to come down from my man-cave tomorrow night after the Man U v Liverpool game to put the rubbish out on the road, usually in my underwear.

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