Monday 24 October 2016

Spring statement: Coalition sets out new fiscal baptismal vows

Published 28/04/2015 | 15:41

A part of the baptismal vows is the dramatic moment where the devil and all his diabolical works are renounced.

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There were no candles or incense or politicians in white robes being baptised in the Liffey today.

That, mind you, we would have liked. 

The Coalition was, however, busy at the renunciation game. 

A sombre Michael Noonan, who would have made an excellent Monsignor in a previous life,  told the Dail that from now on Charlie Mc Creevy and all his pomp and works and all of his ‘If I have it I’ll spend it' will never happen again.

That, or worse still, Bertie Ahern’s ‘even if I don’t have it I’ll spend it’ is the devils buttermilk that we will never be sipping again. 

Instead Dame Prudence has taken permanent residence in government buildings now. 

She has brought a big though terribly similar family of sisters with her too including Ms Stability, then Ms Modest Prosperity followed by Ms Steady, Ms Debt Reduction, Ms Sensible and Ms Balanced Budget.

You won’t be partying too much with that gathering of the seven terribly sensible sisters.  

All was not lost when it comes to the good times, though. 

After a little chat with Europe, Mr Noonan had discovered sufficient space for a ‘modest’ expansionary budget of €1.5bn in the autumn ... just before the election. 

Mr Noonan, mind you noted that a new National Economic Dialogue will take place in July. 

As an election hastens ever closer, it will be interesting to see how Dame Prudence’s fashion sense of grey worsted woollens placed over a Burqa in order to save us from bad thoughts will survive when the really hot political weather arrives. 

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