Rear View: Let us pray that they all shut up
Published 10/04/2016 | 02:30
It was only a matter of time before someone would get up in the Dáil and call for the scrapping of the prayer at the start of each day. And so we had the Anti-AusterityAlliance TD Paul Murphy calling for it to go on the grounds that is 'anachronistic'.
Perhaps in this more secular age, TDs could quote lines from distinguished thinkers like Leon Trotsky: "The end may justify the means as long as there is something that justifies the end."
Or there could be other alternatives.
The Green TD Eamon Ryan made the constructive suggestion that the prayer should be replaced by a minute's silence, but why stop there? We could have an hour of silence for reflection and meditation.
Or why not replace the prayer with a new type of invocation, uttered by TDs in turn: "We thank you, oh Lord, for the blessing of subsidised drink in the members' bar, and the €92,000 salary plus free parking and expenses, and we pray that this Dáil may go on for another week, so that we are not cast out into the wilderness to face the voter again."
Hovering for fitness
Another worthy piece of nannying health advice comes our way, courtesy of @AodhBC on Twitter. The HSE put out its own selection of tips for improving health through 30 minutes of "moderate intensity physical activity".
Among the recommendations of the HSE boffins are "brisk walking", "water aerobics" (formerly known as swimming), "ballroom dancing", and one that really caught our eye - "brisk hovering (sic)".
Just be careful out there.
We were truly appalled by the stag party miscreants who apparently stole a treasured antique clock from that welcoming haven, Dick Mack's pub in Dingle, Co Kerry. Thankfully, the 19th century timepiece has been reunited with its owner.
Whoever lifted this public house artefact should be sentenced to at least six months penal servitude, cleaning the toilets after stag parties. And they can count it by the ticking of the aul clock.
Good Week, Bad week
Porn as Gaeilge
There was feverish excitement among gaeilgeoirí as a publication billed as the 'world's first' porn magazine to be produced in Irish appeared online. A spokesman for the the raunchy title said it was "just for the craic"
Insomniacs hailed a breakthrough as a new feature on Apple devices called Night Shift enables them to sleep better by blocking out blue light as night falls. It changes the screen colour to a warmer reddish hue. Or you could leave the phone downstairs, but would that be too simple?
The distinguished actress disclosed that she uses an ancient health treatment in which she is voluntarily stung by bees. She said the effect was "incredible", but it was painful. Sting me now. I want to be so pretty.
The Big Mac-rat
Fast-food giant McDonald's apologised after video footage emerged showing a huge rat helping itself to their yoghurt toppings in a restaurant in Thailand. The chain blamed the local sewers. Would you like fries with that?
Headline of the week
PRESIDENT EISENHOWER’S GREAT-GRANDDAUGHTER SAYS VEGAN DIETS COULD ATTRACT EXTRA-TERRESTRIALS — Fox News
How would #1916Rising have gone if there was a #liveline that week? ‘Honestly, Joe, the GPO is gone to the dogs. Can’t even buy a stamp’!