Friday 30 September 2016

Rear View: Danny and the right to drive tipsy

Published 21/02/2016 | 02:30

Danny Healy Rae
Danny Healy Rae

If councillor Danny Healy-Rae is elected and joins his brother Michael in the Dáil, it will be a breakthrough for the tipsy motorists of Ireland. At Healy-Rae's instigation, Kerry County Council voted some years ago to back a motion allowing for people living in isolated areas to drink and drive.

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One argument in favour of this is that with everyone driving on the wrong side of the road, there is less chance of collision.

With county councils not having jurisdiction over drunk driving, the Healy-Rae measure, alas, never became law. But who knows what the Kerryman could achieve if he held the balance of power in Leinster House?

Healy-Rae wanted a permit which would allow rural tipplers to proceed along the public highway after having "two or three drinks". The publican said it would benefit people who are "looking at four walls", and could help prevent mental illness.

Perhaps the right to steer a jalopy in a fluthered state could be enshrined in the European Convention of Human Rigths.

If elected, the Kerry politician will no doubt also offer his reflections on the importance of privacy on social media.

He recently said Facebook was known as "Puss-book" in his area, because everyone's puss was on it. He argued that these social media users should show more restraint.

"People are gone stone mad - they are almost at the stage now when they are putting up 'we are going to the toilet'."

Lets hope he clamps down on this type of thing if he makes it into the Dáil.

Ding-dong Olympic battle

We were sorry to learn recently that a company involved in the ­production of RTÉ's Angelus had to make a tax settlement of over €90,000 with the Revenue Commissioners. It cannot be easy generating income from the bells, but now there may be a new opportunity.

The idea is being floated that bell-ringing should soon be recognised as a sport. Campanologists have long argued that their activity is more arduous than recognised sports such as snooker and fishing, and it was even suggested this week that it could be included in the Olympics. And now representing Ireland - the Angelus.

Good Week

JOAN COLLINS

The left-wing TD (inset) was cleared of a public-order charge arising from her involvement in an anti-water-charges protest. And she also revealed that the Hollywood star of the same name passed on her Twitter messages. Darling, it wasn’t me with the placard!

EXAM STUDENTS

A Department of Education circular revealed that a score as low as 20pc in the final written exams of the new junior cycle programme will qualify as a pass. Congratulations. You actually wrote your name. Oh wait, you missed a bit.

Bad Week

KANYE WEST

The singer, who is Kim Kardashian’s other half, declared that he is $53m (€47m) in debt in a series of posts on Twitter, just days after he launched his latest album. And he urged people to pray for him. Surely the Pope could sort him out.

BRITAIN

Urging her country to stay in the EU, actress Emma Thompson described it as “a tiny little cloud-bolted, rainy corner of sort-of Europe, a cake-filled misery-laden grey old island”. Oh well, at least there’s cake

Headline of the week

WOMAN TRIES TO KILL BARBER OVER BAD HAIRCUT

- CBS News

Quotable

“This is a man who has to take his shoes off to help him count to 20.”

— Labour minister Jed Nash on Gerry Adams’ lack of grasp of financial matters

Aul buffer

Did you see that debate the other night? Lord bless us and save us, for crying out loud.

You’d hear more sense out of George W Bush after he had skulled 10 pints and two naggins of gin.

Have you ever heard such a shower of lily-livered ludramans in all you’re life?

I listened to half of it, threw the remote at the television, and then took to the bottle.

Yer wan, Joan bleatin’ Burton — her voice could drill a hole through a block of granite at six paces.

I’m surprised the Troika didn’t surrender just listening to her droning on. Here’s all your money back, Frau Burton — if you’ll just shut up.

And who’s that jumped up management-consultant geyzer, Stephen Donnelly?

He sounds as smooth as a baby’s behind, but he’s as woolly as a Wicklow field full of spring lambs.

And to think that Sinn Féin’s President for Life, Gerry Adams, could end up running the country.

He wants to turn everywhere from Ballymun to Ballydehob into a mini-gaeilgeoir fake fáinne-wearing version of West Belfast.

But I wouldn’t ask that furry-faced amadán to run a bath, let alone the Free State.

There’s only two things certain in life if the shiny-arsed Shinners get their muddied hands on the levers of power next week — death and more taxes.

As George Harrison might say: “If you try to sit, they’ll tax your seat... If you take a walk, they’ll tax your feet.”

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