Wednesday 28 September 2016

Rear View: Brian and Enda's great crash diet

Published 11/10/2015 | 02:30

The latest Department of Health figures showed that the number of people who are overweight or obese has fallen from a roly-poly 61pc in 2007 to a positively svelte 60pc
The latest Department of Health figures showed that the number of people who are overweight or obese has fallen from a roly-poly 61pc in 2007 to a positively svelte 60pc

When it comes to the Irish diet, we like to look at a plate half-full rather than a plate half-empty.

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So it's time to jump for joy, or perhaps roll around on the floor a bit, to welcome the news that the Irish people are slightly less fat than they used to be.

The latest Department of Health figures showed that the number of people who are overweight or obese has fallen from a roly-poly 61pc in 2007 to a positively svelte 60pc.

We have all sorts of other health problems, such as patients queuing up for trolleys in emergency wards and the spread of frightful hospital bugs.

But we should give credit where credit is due: successive governments have helped cut down obesity by a stunning 1pc since the glorious era of the Celtic Tiger.

Perhaps Brian Cowen and Enda Kenny could get together to bring out a book in time for the election - the Great Crash Diet.

Dáil hot air is no wind-up

We were sorry to learn that a grandfather clock has been removed from Leinster House after it suffered "damage from hot air".

The remarkable timepiece, which was to be sold this week, had the ability to play the tune of 'God Save the Queen'. We can only assume that was not the Sex Pistols version of the song.

Perhaps it would be more fitting in our national parliament if it played 'Amhrán na bhFiann' or even 'Ireland's Call'.

Where did the hot air come from that caused the damage to the clock - in the vicinity of the Dáil? That remains a total mystery...

l If you saw a red fella running around with horns and making a hellish racket recently, it may have been caused by the same sex marriage referendum. Nigerian priest Father Joseph Okere is alleged to have told Mass-goers in St Mel's Cathedral, Longford, that the referendum result offered evidence that the devil is at work in Ireland.

The Bishop of Ardagh and Clonmacnoise Francis Duffy apologised on the priest's behalf and said: "Father Joseph did not intend to offend anyone."

Well, thank God for that.

Good week

VW DRIVERS

Gun the engine and spew out diesel fumes in celebration — Volkswagen announced that it is to fix cars affected by its emissions test-cheating scandal in 2016. Perhaps they could all take part in an Easter Rising centenary parade.

SANTA CLAUS

A gentleman whose legal name is Santa Claus is to run for a council seat in the North Alaskan town of North Pole. He describes himself on social media as a “children’s advocate”.

Turkeys are unlikely to vote for Father Christmas.

Bad week

JOAN COLLINS

The former Dynasty star said she still gets mixed up with the left wing Dublin TD of the same name and receives regular Google alerts about water protests. So that is not the Hollywood actress on a demo in Inchicore?

Well, I never

WEDNESDAY APOCALYPSE

A Christian sect, the eBible Fellowship, predicted that the Earth would be “annihilated” with fire on Wednesday, but at the time of writing it hadn’t yet happened. To be fair, they may have just got the date wrong.

Quotable

“He didn’t have the baby, did he? Unless he’s breastfeeding he should be alright.”

— Roy Keane, asked if Robbie Keane would be available to play after the birth of his second child

TwittÉire

“Blatter must resign for the good of the game” — Coca Cola, McDonalds, Visa, Budweiser. “He’s doing a great job. 10 out of 10” — Volkswagen

- @DAVIDSCHNEIDER

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