How the absence of a government means we miss out on the best Dáil put-downs
Published 23/04/2016 | 02:30
Now don't freak when I tell you this, but I miss the Dáil. Not, you understand, because of its ability to solve complex social problems or create housing for the thousands of homeless - we're all well aware those kind of fantasy aspirations are far beyond the capabilities of our elected officials.
No, what I really miss, after nearly 60 days of deadlock, is the cajoling, chicanery and codology we get in daily doses from Leinster House. It's our very own emerald reality soap - complete with 158 play actors, each on a yearly mimimum of almost €90,000. Only last week, one of the great Gielguds of the chamber emerged briefly from retirement to remind us of the acute verbal dexterity we no longer enjoy.
Bertie-isms such as "We're not going to hang anyone on the guillotine" have long since passed into legend. And his observation that "At present, I have my hand in a whole lot of dykes, trying to keep them in and keep people together" will surely be used as a referendum slogan somewhere in the world some day. But for sagacity and judiciousness, could anything beat this multiple negative in response to a question during the Mahon Tribunal: "It is not correct, if I said so I wasn't correct, so I can't recall if I did say, but I did not say it, and if I did say it I didn't mean to say it."