IT must suck to be Dannii Minogue right now. It’s only a nano-second since she broke up with Kris Smith her long-term partner, and father of her son, when news of her affair with Simon Cowell hit the headlines. Dannii is said to be devastated about the revelations, which have come to light in a new, unauthorised book about the pop mogul – as you would be.
Just to be crystal clear, both were single at the time so it’s not as if anything immoral actually happened. But who wants the world to know that you had intimate relations with the sneery king of high-waisted trousers and Cuban heels?
He has moobs and waxes his chest. And then you have horrible old bat Sharon Osbourne, another former X Factor judge, crawling out of the woodwork and saying things like: “All Dannii wanted to do was f*** Simon Cowell. That’s why she was on the show.” Ouch. Dannii probably wants to crawl into a hole for a couple of months but it doesn’t have to be like that. Here, we proudly present our 5-point PR plan for Dannii so that she emerges smelling of roses and ready to greet her public proudly, once again. Call us Dannii. Call us.
1. Move to the States
Americans love Aussies. Think Guy Pearce, Naomi Watts, Nicole Kidman, Isla Fisher, Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett, Isabel Lucas, Chris Hemsworth and his brother Liam. Mel B has reinvented herself by moving from LA to down under; Dannii just needs to do the inverse.
2. Embrace the sisterhood
Channel the Kardashians. Whether they’re fighting, bonding or divorcing, there’s something about the sister dynamic that people just love. Dannii’s secret weapon is pocket pop princess Kylie – cancer survivor and possessor of the world’s most infamous bottom - and a reality TV show based on their lives would be telly gold.
3. Get back with Kris
So tall, so good-looking, so model-esque and father of her child. A reconciliation would go a long way towards redeeming her reputation.
4. Adopt a baby
Forget exercise DVDs and clothing ranges, although Dannii has actually designed the latter – Pippa Middleton wears Dannii’s label, Project D. Adopting a baby is where it’s at in terms of garnering favourable column inches – hello Sandra Bullock and Charlize Theron. We know that her son Nathan is just 20-months old but you can never have too many photo ops with a plethora of cute babies.
Or surrogacy perhaps? Common or garden pregnancy might be a little too ordinary to elicit much coverage but even if she went down that route, she could always do that failsafe, Demi Moore inspired mag cover of naked, with bump, modesty preserved by hands. If Simon Cowell were to be the father, it would just be amazeballs.
5. Tweet. A lot
Ideally she needs to be tweeting pics of her self in a bikini in the style of Kelly Brooks, Imogen Thomas and Leann Rimes. Failing that she should do another ‘Playboy’ shoot (her previous one was one of the best selling editions ever); do another Piers Morgan interview and cry about it a lot. Sorted.