Tuesday 25 October 2016

Sam and Janet Evening...

John Masterson

Published 15/02/2016 | 02:30

Richard Rogers in rehearsal with Iva Withers and Stephen Douglass.
Richard Rogers in rehearsal with Iva Withers and Stephen Douglass.

You could call it oxytocin flooding the brain. You could refer to it as dopamine doing its work. But that does not sound anywhere near as attractive as calling it 'love'. She is perfect. You want him forever and forever. Every song you hear was written just for the two of you. No. A few chemicals in your brain could not make you totally lose your sanity even if that is what the very well researched science tells us. Better to trust Rogers and Hammerstein.

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"Who can explain it? Who can tell you why?

Fools give you reasons. Wise men never try"

It is hard to beat the first feeling of infatuation. A lot gets communicated as quickly as the first tenth of a second, in one moment. Love at first sight, or infatuation at first sight, certainly happens. It doesn't last. And that is because the relationship turns good, and a normal feeling of attachment or co-dependence emerges. Or because we have fallen for an idea, and not the person. But that doesn't stop us believing. Back to South Pacific, written by R&H in 1949 and giving Emile these wonderful lines about Nellie.

"Some enchanted evening, You may see a stranger

You may see a stranger, Across a crowded room"

You know instantly that this is the real thing. You know that you were made for each other. You know that you were put on earth to be together. And anyone who tells you anything different is a rotten friend and deserves to be consigned to the friend scrapheap. Because

"…. night after night, as strange as it seems

The sound of her laughter, will sing in your dreams"

While good relationships are more likely to begin with some mutual attraction than with dislike, there is probably no better way to kill the spark than to try and seal the deal too rapidly. The brain should be telling you that it takes a little time to get to know a person. Unfortunately, the brain may have taken a short holiday. And so you panic and do exactly what R&H suggest you do which is to:

"….. fly to her side, and make her your own

Or all through your life, you may dream all alone"

Nine times out of ten this is a big mistake. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred we make it anyway. A matchmaker recently told me of a client who was panicking because there had not been an instant reply to a text. As it turned out the textee was up to their tonsils with work, but quite fancied the texter, who was about to send their 'Dear John' off first for fear of being on the receiving end of one.

Now as it happens R&H do also manage to sprinkle about plenty of wisdom, as in:

"Once you have found her never let her go"

They did know that you need to keep nourishing a relationship. I trust you are all thinking that way today, and every day.

Incidentally, Emile and Nellie didn't last.

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