Sunday 22 January 2017

Liz Kearney: the digital disaster zone

What do you do when you can't even turn on the telly?

Liz Kearney

Published 29/11/2015 | 02:30

Liz Kearney
Liz Kearney

How did I end up a stranger in my own home? I'm alone in the sitting room, surrounded by a pile of remote controls I don't know how to use, shouting at the TV in tears because I can't even turn on The Late Late Show (I don't even like The Late Late Show).

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Some of the controls are affiliated with the telly, some with various household alarms and systems, and I don't know if the next button I press will turn the telly on, turn the heating off or detonate a nuclear bomb.

Then the phone rings - or at least that's what it sounds like. It's not my mobile, so it must be the landline. I'd forgotten we even had a landline. Of course, it's not a regular phone. It's a flimsy, digital one and it takes several minutes of frantic searching before I finally locate it underneath a pile of coats. Then I stand there and watch it ring and ring, as the realisation slowly dawns that I have no idea which button to press to answer it.

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