Kevin Myers: Is our membership of the euro simply a rather fraught way of declaring our non-Britishness?
It was a shame that Europe waited until I was away before it fell apart, for I feel sure that my counsel might have been of some use to the German Chancellor, Helmut Merkel, or the French President, Signore Punchinello. For a start, I should certainly advise Herr Merkel to do something about his tailor, for the rascal is giving his suits the strangest cut.
Jackets should not normally reveal the bottom (especially one as ample as his) unless one wants to become a bullfighter, a career-choice that Herr Merkel seems to have left rather late in life. And I wonder, were the French quite right to have elected a Venetian seaside glove-puppet as president? Though I gather his wife is not a Judy, but a Carla: however, an Italian nonetheless.
Anyway -- so here we are again, with the Great Dilemma: which way should Ireland go? To where language, culture, trade and history take us, closer to the orbit of Britain? Or where our political classes have sought to go, ever since their predecessors described Kaiser Bill's Germany as "our gallant allies"? My own preference -- to be a Mediterranean Département of France -- has foundered upon the shameful refusal of Corsica to swap places with us. This is a pity. We could have those wonderful Mirage and Rafale fighters in our skies, and we could be selling our cheeses, Cashel Bleu, Milleens et Gubeen in French supermarkets, alongside the mediocre Roquefort and Colonel.